


A Necessary Sacrifice

by Crossroads_Castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel (Supernatural) in Heaven, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Eventual Sex, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mutual Pining, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Sex, Warrior Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:36:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17546270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossroads_Castiel/pseuds/Crossroads_Castiel
Summary: Due to a shortage of Angels, Castiel is called back to Heaven. He and Dean struggle with the seemingly permanent separation until Castiel stumbles upon a secret hidden away in Heaven that could bring him home, but only if he cooperates with the plan. It takes him sacrificing everything to finally have what he's always wanted.This fic takes place in the Season 14 timeline and contains some light, early season spoilers.





	1. A difficult choice

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters are pre-written and should come out once to twice a week, depending on editing and time! Please leave kudos and written feedback. No one likes to feel like they are speaking into the void XD

Dean was stretched out on the bed, his head propped on his hands as he laid out on his stomach, when he saw Castiel walk by his open door. He was in a damn hurry was all Dean could get from his body language. It wasn’t like him to not even peak his head in. Dean grabbed the remote and switched off the tv. He blinked briefly in the suddenly dark room before rolling out of bed to see what was up. His sock feet made very little noise on the bunker floor, but at this hour of the night it felt thunderous. Everyone else was asleep it seemed. Castiel was almost out the door when Dean got close enough to clear his throat. The Angel froze in the doorway before glancing behind him like a child that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“Where you off to in such a hurry?” Dean inquired with a raised eyebrow as he walked to the base of the stairs. Castiel sighed quietly and closed the bunker door before descending, his shoulders slumped as he awaited Dean's disapproval that was sure to come. 

Castiel struggled to find words, a surefire sign he was lying. “I, uh, had a call I needed to take. I didn’t want to bother anyone…” Cas said, his eyes darting left as he spoke. That was another one of his tells that Dean had picked up on. 

“Oh, does your phone not work in the bunker?” Dean said with niggling suspicion inching into his voice. 

“It wasn’t that type of call….” Cas said with growing dread and defeat in his tone, knowing this would not go over well. 

Dean paused a moment before his eyes widened in disbelief and whispered with such intensity that it might as well have been shouting. “You can’t be that stupid, Cas! Angel Radio? I KNOW you were not going out to meet with Angels alone…. without telling anyone…. after I’ve asked you not to do anything stupid…I just KNOW you weren’t doing that….” 

Cas stayed stone faced as Dean’s face reddened in anger. “Would you make you feel better if I told you I wasn’t’? 

“Is that the truth?” Dean growled out as he crossed his arms over his red t-shirt.

“No...” Cas said with a small shake of his head. His simple response threw Dean off for a moment, but only a moment. 

“Then no!” Dean yelled before Cas gestured to lower the volume and he was reminded at how late it was. He hissed out angrily through his teeth, “You knew damn well I wouldn’t let you go alone so you decided to sneak out. You’re NOT going alone, and that’s the end of it.” Dean was gearing himself up for a fight and he was prepared to drag Jack and Sam into it if he had to. He was ready to put himself between Cas and the stairwell, taking an uneasy step toward it. 

Cas opened his mouth to argue but stopped short and nodded once. “Very well, Dean.”

Dean had geared up to argue his point. Castiel succumbing so quickly brought him up short. “Yes I…. wait, what?”

A sideways grin appeared slowly on Cas’ face. “I am aware that arguing is futile, so I agree to your terms. You can come with me. See, I do learn.”

Dean was speechless a moment before laughing softly. “Damn that took me off guard. I had a whole argument ready. Well…. good. I’ll leave a note for Sam in case anything happens, and I’ll grab my shoes and my Angel blade.”

Castiel knew this was going to complicate matters, but he would do almost anything to make the shrieking sensation of Angel Radio in his head stop. Heaven had been broadcasting in his head for weeks, demanding he return to Heaven to speak to Naomi. He was no fool. He’d go, but Heaven wasn’t on the game plan. He and Naomi had agreed to speak at a park near the Heaven portal. She’d told him to come alone…but sometimes concessions must be made.  
He’d waste hours arguing with Dean, and it was hard to argue when he knew Dean was right. Going alone was reckless and stupid. He would be glad for the company but taking Dean anywhere near the other Angels was a dangerous situation he would never willing put him in. Which was why he’d chosen to meet her late at night and try to avoid an argument. Well, it was a moot point now. 

Dean was only gone a matter of minutes and came back around the corner dressed and ready to go. Though the Angel blade was concealed, Cas could see by the way Dean’s dark green canvas jacket hung heavier on one side that he had it. 

“Let’s roll,” Dean said with an air of authority as he twirled his car keys between his fingers. 

Cas smiled fondly but shook his head. “I have to drive. They are expecting me to come alone, and the Impala is known by the far reaches of Heaven AND Hell.”

Dean glowered slightly but conceded with an eye roll. “Fair enough.” He tossed the Impala keys on the war room table and gestured up the stairs. “After you then.” Castiel turned and headed back up the stairs with Dean right behind. No one else might notice but Cas had a bit more spring in his step going into the precarious situation with back up. He’d never ask for it, but he could appreciate it nonetheless. As the door of the Bunker closed behind them, it echoed into the quiet of the night and Jack and Sam were none the wiser.   
\-----------------------------------------------  
Dean sat in the passenger seat of Cas’ newest procurement, a zippy little blue sedan. It wasn’t Dean’s style, but it was world’s better than the old Lincoln Continental and the pickup truck. Neither had fit Cas. This was better….not perfect, he thought as he judged the interior, but better. He had given an appreciative nod to the newness of it, happy to not worry about Cas breaking down on the side of the road. 

These were fleeting thoughts as Dean stared out the window, looking out into the formless night. He’d asked where they were going, and Castiel had replied by punching the address into his GPS. It was a small park near where the Heaven portal lay. Dean couldn’t say he wasn’t relieved Cas had at least been smart enough not to agree to meeting in Heaven. At least Dean could be back up at this location. He glanced over at Castiel, watching his silhouette illuminated by the dim lights of the dash board. His eyes were tight and his face was pinched as if in pain.

“Hey Cas, you okay?” Dean said in the quiet of the car. The radio was on, but soft, and only for Dean’s benefit. He knew Castiel didn’t need background music. The man could have a whole symphony playing in his head for all he knew. 

“Yes, Dean. I’m just ready to have this whole business out of the way,” Cas said quietly before wincing again. Dean watched his hands tighten on the wheel, his knuckles turning white at the pressure. 

“What’s going on?” Dean growled out as Castiel pulled the car over, his breathing ragged. 

“Angel Radio…” Castiel growled out through clenched teeth. “It’s been playing non-stop for days. Some moments are louder than others.”

Dean sat there a moment, trying to make sense of it. He tilted his head as if he too could hear it. “Why are they blasting Angel Radio nonstop? Is it for everyone?”

“Just me…” Castiel said without making eye contact. He stared straight ahead as if his answers lay in the small stretch of illuminated road before him. 

“And why is that…” Dean said quietly, encouraging a response that would explain it. He was not an easy man to get answers out of, but if he could keep him talking...

Castiel sighed, resigned to telling Dean what he had to. He’d put it off for months so as not to worry him. He absently rubbed his temple, a very human gesture Dean noted. “Dean, there’s a problem with Heav….” Castiel began before his face shut down in a mask of pain, his eyes rolling back in his head and his nails digging divots into the steering wheel.

Dean unbuckled his seat belt and was grabbing at Cas’ arm in concern before seconds had passed. “Cas!?” The concern in his head was overshadowed only by his anger that Heaven was the one doing this to him. 

Cas let go of the steering wheel and gripped his head with both hands. He spoke through his fingers now. “I’m….okay. It’ll pass in a moment. However, you might better drive. I don’t plan on you dying because I can’t control my vehicle…” He unbuckled his own seat belt, an unnecessary habit he’d picked up from the Winchesters, and walked around behind the car. He leaned against the car for support. Dean jumped out, slid himself in to the driver’s seat and buckled in. 

“You’re sure you okay to do this? Maybe we could…” Dean began. 

“No! I have to….they….they won’t stop till I talk to them,” Castiel said and his voice trailed off. 

Dean settled into the seat and pulled back onto the highway. “How long has this been goin’ on?”

Castiel leaned his head back on the headrest, his eyes closed in concentration. “Two weeks now.”

“Excuse me? You’ve been going through this for two weeks and haven’t said anything?” Cas went to say something in his defense but instead grimaced again. 

“Never mind, Cas. We’ll talk about that later. Let’s just get there and deal with this shit.” He pushed his foot down harder on the gas and they shot off into the dark of the empty highway. Dean wanted to ask for more information, but he thought his silence would benefit him more than the questions he wanted answers to. He bit his tongue and let silence permeate the car from the remainder of the ride. There would be time for answers later.


	2. When things go sideways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean meet up with Naomi.

The car’s tires crunched under the white rock of the gravel parking lot. Dean pulled in and put the car in park before looking over at Castiel. He’d seemed to increase in pain the closer they got to the meeting location. Cas gritted his teeth behind closed lips, making the muscles in his jaw pop. He turned the key in the ignition and the sudden silence was almost tangible. It was hard to believe that Cas was being all but deafened by a sound he couldn’t hear. They both opened their doors, though Castiel wasn’t as steady on his feet as Dean would have liked. They met at the front of the car and looked around. The park was empty at this time of night, but Cas walked forward with purpose. 

“Naomi!” Castiel growled out, his gravelly voice booming into the night. Dean looked around nervously. He didn’t like being this open without knowing how many Angels to expect. 

“I do believe we agreed you would come alone, Castiel,” a feminine voice spoke from beside the wooden pavilion to their right. She stepped out of the shadows. Naomi was different than the last time Dean had seen her. Her hair was white instead of the dark chestnut color he remembered. Were Angels supposed to age? He’d been told no but even he admitted Cas had aged slowly over the years he’d known him. 

“We also agreed that you would stop your incessant screaming in my brain if I would meet with you, so I suppose neither of us is good at keeping our word,” Castiel said. 

“Well, I had to know you would come. We both know Heaven isn’t your priority, now is it? Some of us still believe in serving our true purpose,” Naomi said with disdain evident in her tone, her hands clasped in front of her.

“You simply enjoy torturing those you can’t control, Naomi. You aren’t this noble, sacrificing creature you paint yourself to be, so don't play those games with me."

Naomi put a hand to her chest in mock offense. “You wound me, Castiel. I thought we were past this after all that ugliness with The Empty and Jack. I did tell you we appreciated your sacrifice, even if you didn’t do it for Heaven…” Naomi trailed off as she lifted an eyebrow and acknowledged Dean for the first time. Dean looked over at Cas then, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“What the Hell’s she talking about, Cas?” Dean spoke from behind his left shoulder. 

“You didn’t tell him? How very like you. Does he even know why I called you here? Does he know the mess you’ve left us in?”

“Naomi, shut off your call now!” Castiel gritted out. She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes Heavenward and Cas stumbled. Dean grabbed his left arm and helped him back up, assuming the call had stopped. 

“Dean Winchester…. you are in over your head, here. Do you know why I called him here? Maybe he would listen to you….” Naomi put her full attention on Dean then, her eyes seeming so sincere but Dean had fallen for her tricks before. 

“Enough, Naomi! You are not to speak to him. After the things you did, after trying to make me murder him….” Castiel stood straight up and his shoulders rolled back, finding newfound strength. 

“Oh, do put your wings away. I’m not here to harm him. You know why I’m here. We need you, as much as I hate to admit it. Heaven needs you, Castiel…” Dean startled when Naomi mentioned Cas’ wings. He’d seen no change, but he was distracted when Naomi began to speak. 

Castiel huffed an angry breath out of his nose. “Heaven has made it very clear over the years they do NOT need me. Only now…”

“Only now you know there are less than a dozen of us. Even fewer now that the Empty..” Naomi was cut off as Dean stepped shoulder to shoulder with Cas. 

“Scuse me but what about the Empty? I thought it was off in its’ own little place…” Dean said with confusion as he looked between the two Angels. Naomi sighed, frustrated at the interruption. 

“The Empty invaded Heaven to retrieve Jack’s Soul..” Castiel spoke up before Naomi could. He spoke without looking toward Dean, afraid to give away more than he was willing to tell. “The Empty put a claim on his Soul because he was part Angel.”

Dean blinked silently and nodded once. “Okay, I guess that makes sense….so how did you get him home then?”

Castiel started, “That’s really not of the utmost importance right now…” but Naomi cut him off. 

“He made a deal, as I am assured you and yours are well versed at doing. However, this is not the important issue at hand. We need to discuss…” but her voice was overpowered by Dean’s explosive outburst. 

“You did what?! What deal, Cas!? Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean growled out as he grabbed Cas’ arm and swung him around to look at him. 

Naomi rolled her eyes and took a step forward. “I really don’t think this is important in consideration of Heaven’s…”

“It sure as Hell is, lady! Nobody asked you for your opinion.” Dean shot back. 

“Dean…” Castiel began but saw there was no way to avoid it. He straightened his shoulders and looked directly into Dean’s eyes, hoping he could understand. “I promised The Empty he could have me without a fight if he would relinquish his claim to Jack’s soul.” Dean got dangerously still as Cas' words sunk in. His eyes tightened and his mouth drew up in a line. 

“Then….then why are you still here?” Dean put a hand on his shoulder then, willing him to look him in the eye. 

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Let’s speed this along. The Empty had its own terms. When Castiel allows himself to be happy, the Empty will take him. Blah blah blah. It’s really quite cruel but admirably creative. So, can we get to the matter at hand?” Naomi said with so little emotion in her voice that Dean shook his head visibly in complete disdain. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You two may have all night to be extra dramatic, but I have Heaven to run. Someone has to do it, which brings us back to the topic at hand…. Castiel, come with me. We need you to keep Heaven running. Come home…”

“He has a home,” Dean growled out with his hand on his shoulder. “With us.”

“Castiel belongs in Heaven. It is his true home, no matter how you all have turned him against us. His celestial essence could be the difference between Heaven continuing to function and the end of it all. Do you realize what would happen if Heaven fell? We’re talking about billions of souls being unleashed upon this planet you both claim to care so much about. Billions of restless spirits with nowhere to go. Souls that belong to people you care about…Your friends Ellen and Jo Harvell…the Prophet Kevin…your little friend Charlie…Bobby Singer…John Winchester….” Naomi said as she continued to stare at Dean. “Their souls will be doomed to roam the earth as restless, angry spirits. Never allowed to rest, and everyone who dies from then on would meet the same fate, and we all know the damage one angry spirit can do. Imagine millions…” 

Dean and Castiel stood silently, shoulder to shoulder for several moments. Dean’s hand still sat perched on Cas’ shoulder. “Why does it have to be Cas? Aren’t there other Angels on Earth that could help?” Dean said quietly. A feeling of inevitably was setting on their shoulders. 

Naomi shook with head once. “There are only one or two Angels that have not come to my call, present company excluded. We need every Angel we can muster and even then it might still not be enough…”

“There has to be a solution. What about God?” Dean looked toward Naomi then, his hand still on Cas’ shoulder, feeling like he had to hold onto him or risk losing him. 

“God? God doesn’t care, as he has made more than clear. When he assisted against Amara he never once came back to Heaven. He only helped then because his sister was involved. He doesn’t care about us. We are orphans doing the best we can, and we need every one of our siblings to do their part.” Naomi let a silence fill the night. Crickets chirped away in the field behind them and Dean’s heart raced. He could feel what was coming...

“Okay. I’ll come with you” Castiel spoke softly into the silence. 

Dean whirled Cas to face him abruptly. “Cas, you don’t have to do this. There’s got to be another one. There’s always another way…”

“There really isn’t. While I acknowledge the assistance Castiel’s presence will provide, it has taken some convincing to the last of our numbers to even allow him back home. He is after all one of the primary contributors to our genocide…” 

“Those Angels were trying to restart the Apocalypse and destroy the world….” Castiel said with barely veiled hostility. 

“Yes, or getting too close to your Winchesters…” Naomi said with a raised eyebrow. “Which is another indiscretion we are willing to forgive to allow you back in the fold.”

Castiel cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Indiscretion?”

“Oh, don’t play coy, Castiel. This….” Naomi gestured toward he and Dean. 

“Whoa, Whoa, whoa…” Dean said sharply. “We’re not…this isn’t…”

“Oh, it really doesn’t matter. Come along, Castiel. I’ve already been away far too long, I simply do not have time to stand around and debate all night, ” Naomi said as she gestured for Cas to follow. 

Castiel’s eyes were dull and resigned. “Dean…. will you…will you explain to Jack and Sam? I wish I could have said goodbye but…” 

Dean forgot what he’d been so flustered about and nodded solemnly. “I will. I mean…this won’t be forever, right?” Dean looked up at Naomi then, panic suddenly in his eyes. “It won’t will it?”

Naomi shrugged, unconcerned. “In all likelihood, yes. Now then, enough. Let’s be off.”

Castiel didn’t give Dean another moment to argue. He reached out and wrapped him in a tight hug, his chin digging into his shoulder. Dean, normally hesitant to show affection, returned it. His hands found purchase in the trench coat’s loose fabric. “You don’t have to do this, Cas. You could stay…”

Cas swallowed hard, wanting so much to do just that but trying to stay strong for his sake. “Yes, I do. It’s the only chance to keep you all safe, and those we care about that have passed away. It’ll all work out. Tell Jack and Sam…. I love you. I love all of you….” He abruptly let go and he and Naomi walked off into the darkness, Cas sparing more than one glance behind him, his fists clenched at his side. 

Dean stayed waiting until they were completely out of sight. His feet felt cemented to the parking lot and he still had Cas’ keys clenched in one fist. How did this go so sideways? What would he tell Jack and Sam? How could he go back and explain all of this when he didn’t even understand himself? He finally pulled away from the spot he’d been glued to and slid into Cas’ car. He’d just been here...right here…and now…. Dean buckled up and clenched the wheel. He started to shift out of park but stopped and banged both hands against the wheel, cursing. After a few minutes he composed himself and headed back to deliver the news.


	3. Sacrifices and Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has to explain to Sam and Jack that Castiel is gone. Meanwhile, Castiel has to answer to the other Angels in Heaven.

“What do you mean, Cas is gone?” Sam said in frustration. Dean had dragged in at the crack dawn with a blank look on his face. He’d yelled for Sam and Jack then collapsed into a chair around the War Room table and held his head in his hands until they’d both come shuffling in, half asleep and alarmed. Sam had been trying to coax the whole story out of Dean ever since. 

“Heaven’s going to fall without him….and he made a deal and….” Dean murmured, seeming to not fully understand himself. 

Jack spoke up then. “He didn’t want you two to know about the deal. He told me you couldn’t know but then that you could but he didn’t want you to, that it would only make you worry.”

Dean looked up and his eyes narrowed slightly in irritation. “You knew about this? Shit, of course you did. You were there in Heaven when…. why didn’t you stop him?”

Jack bit his lip, nervous to make Dean unhappy. His shoulders slumped and his eyes found the floor. “I wanted to, but the Empty was attacking and Castiel protected me. “

Sam put a hand on Jack’s shoulder, knowing how harsh Jack took any of Dean's criticism. “It’s okay, Jack. It’s not the first time one of us made a deal to save another. It’s not your fault.”

Dean stared at the tabletop. “And it doesn’t matter anyway…. Cas is in Heaven. Not like he'll ever be happy enough there for the Empty to come for him... The Angels need him to keep Heaven running, and they said it was probably…. forever…” He said as he swallowed deeply. “it’s…It’s not like any of us can go bring him back. ”

Sam sat down beside his brother, hesitating on his words a moment. “Even if we could, should we? If he’s the only thing standing between Heaven staying up and running and all the souls falling….”

Dean looked toward Sam like he didn’t know him. His hands clenched into fists on the tabletop, his nails digging into his palms. “He’s not just a fucking battery. He doesn’t want to BE there. It’s not fair.”

“Very little we deal with ever is,” Sam said softly, his voice a mix of resignation and sympathy. 

Dean gritted his teeth and threw his chair back from the table, making it screech loudly against the concrete floor. He stormed off to his room without a word, letting his door slam behind him. He leaned against his door and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Only then did he let the tears he’d been holding back fall.   
“Shit, Cas. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m getting you out of there,” Dean prayed.   
\----------------------------------------  
Naomi stood in front of the Heaven portal, Castiel by her side. His shoulders were slumped in defeat and he hadn’t spoken one word since they left Dean in the dark. The sun was beginning to rise, leaving a soft glow on the horizon. “For what it’s worth, Castiel, I do acknowledge your sacrifice, though I also know it isn’t for our benefit.”

Cas gave Naomi a tired look. “Nothing I do is for you or the other Angels, so I’m glad we have that clear. After what you did to me, what you made me do to Dean….”

Naomi sighed dramatically. “Can’t we get past that? There is a much greater picture to deal with now. It’s time…” She said as the Heaven Portal began to glow in the sand box sigils. “It’s time…to go home.” Cas threw one desperate glance around him, knowing he might never be able to walk Earth again. He stared at the sunrise, his face beginning to be illuminated by the orange glow. He took in a breath, knowing there was a chance this was his last moment ever on Earth. 

“Home…right…” Castiel said as he followed Naomi into the portal and disappeared.   
\------------------------  
When Castiel and Naomi arrived back, they were met with the seven other Angels left to run Heaven. Castiel knew all of their names but had not spoken to most of them before. Duma was one of the few, but she didn’t have much affection for him. None of them did. The eyes he met were hostile. He met theirs with mutual hostility, this body language poised for a fight in necessary. 

“Now, now, brothers and sisters. Let us all get along. Castiel has finally come home to help us keep Heaven running. We acknowledge his sacrifice,” Naomi said, but with the other Angels around, she threw skepticism on the word sacrifice. Castiel looked over to her and shook his head minutely. She would always be a master manipulator. 

“What? Like giving up his sinful choices? A real Angel would not see that as a sacrifice…” growled out on the male Angels, Rokabel he believed in his name was.   
“Yes, how are we supposed to be forgiving of what he and his humans have done to us?” added Fedrien, a dark-haired female Angel. 

“Because I said you must!” Naomi boomed with authority. “We need his help, and we will accept it to keep the souls entrusted to our care, safe! Now, everyone go back to their stations!” Castiel watched the other Angels file out slowly, grumbling to themselves as they went.

Naomi looked over at him, a bit of pity in her face. He preferred the others' hostility. “You can’t have imagined they would welcome you with open arms, Castiel. Not after what you’ve done.”

“I didn’t expect kindness here. I never have,” Castiel said as he looked around Naomi’s empty office. “Now, where did you need me to go?”

She sat down in her chair and laid her palms one over the other on the desk. “Anywhere you wish, as long as you stay in Heaven. I don’t really believe asking you to work with the others would go well for any of you, so we really only need your presence here. Otherwise, do as you wish….and Castiel?” She added as he turned to leave.

“Yes?”

“Please don’t kill anyone. We need every Angel we have left…” she said with a raised eyebrow and a serious expression on her face. 

“I will endeavor to control myself,” Castiel grumbled as he rolled his eyes and walked out of her office door, into the never-ending halls of Heaven.


	4. How do we bear it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Dean nor Castiel is doing very well, and everyone can see it.

Sam shot a concerned look to his brother over the kitchen table. He’d taken Cas’ absence much harder than usual. It had been several weeks and he still hadn’t gotten out of his funk. He’d called their mom home, and Mary sat beside Dean at the table, making idle chat about a recent hunt she went on. Jack looked up from his breakfast and locked eyes with Sam. They both looked again at Dean. He’d been sullen, combative, and depressed. It was much like the days following Cas’ death. He sat there poking at his scrambled eggs with the fork, pushing them around the plate with little enthusiasm. 

“Dean, why don’t you join me on Bobby and I’s next hunt? It might be good for you to get out…” Mary said with soft concern in her voice. Dean did nothing but twirl the fork between his fingers. “Dean? Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” Dean looked up, startled as his fork clattered to the table. “Yeah, sure mom. I’ll go. Whatever you say. I’ll get my stuff together,” Dean murmured softly as he scooted his chair back and walked from the room without another word. 

“It really is as bad as you said…” Mary spoke when Dean was far enough down the hall not to overhear.

“I told you. I’ve dealt with this before, but this time it’s like he’s given up,” Sam added softly as he pushed his hair behind his ears and taking another bite of his eggs.

“He’s dealt with so much…why this time? He’s lost so much already, but it’s not as if Castiel is dead. He’s just not here...” Mary murmured as she looked down the hall with concern.

Sam shook his head with feeling. “You don’t understand, mom. Cas is….” Sam began but Jack interrupted abruptly. 

“They love each other. It hurts them to be apart,” Jack said matter-of-factly. His forehead creased in confusion as to why they didn’t see what he saw.

Sam shuffled nervously, the topic a subject he felt uneasy discussing without Dean there. “I mean, yeah. He’s like our brother. Dean always takes it a little harder than I do when something happens to Cas, but it’s not that I care about him any less…It’s just...”

“Different….” Mary said with a nod as she stared at the door Dean had walked out of. A look of realization came across her face, but Sam missed it.

“No, I mean…” Jack began but Sam’s phone rang at that moment and he held up a finger to silence Jack before he stood up and walked out to take the call. 

Jack looked to Mary, his brow furrowed in the beginnings of unspoken frustration. Mary smiled softly and patted his hand. “I get it, Jack. Sam’s just not ready to see it, but let’s not bring it up in front of them right now.”  
\-----------------------------------  
Dean had his worn duffel bag thrown open onto his bed. He tossed t shirts, jeans, and miscellaneous other gear in it haphazardly. He got to the bottom of his pants drawer and he found the mix tape he’d made Cas. He’d found it in his room when he’d died and tucked it in his drawer for safe keeping. He picked it up and smiled softly to himself before the hard line of his mouth returned and he hesitated. He laid it gently in his duffel bag before zipping it shut and throwing it over his shoulder. 

The best he could think to do to stop Sam and Jack from having to deal with him was to go. Maybe he could be of some help to Mary and Bobby. He had to be able to help someone or he’d go insane. He couldn’t help Cas, but damn it he’d be useful to someone or die trying. 

Cas….Dean thought in his head and his stomach tightened almost painfully. I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry….  
\-----------------------------------  
Castiel wandered the halls of Heaven aimlessly. He’d not dared to seek out the company of the other Angels. The endless halls were his only companion and the sound of his shoes on the floor the only sound he’d heard in weeks. Naomi had even left him alone, thankfully. Oh no….Cas’ eyes rolled back in his head and he leaned against one of the Heaven doors for support as Dean’s sorrowful prayer made it’s way to him. He’d not known an Angel’s heart was capable of breaking, metaphorically speaking of course, but he’d been proven wrong in the past weeks. To be dead was one thing, but this endless separation from the humans he cared for and had come to love, it was unbearable. Having to feel Dean’s pain was the worst part. The moment passed and Castiel stayed frozen to the door as he looked over at the name imprinted on it. 

Robert Singer  
1950-2012

Castiel let out a small laugh. He’d managed to wander, dazed and alone, to the one person who might be able to understand what he was going through. He looked up and down the hall to check for other Angels, but he wasn’t really breaking any rules…. Naomi HAD only told him to stay in Heaven and not kill anyone. This was keeping to both those guidelines. He pushed gently on the door and stepped into Bobby’s Heaven….and was met with the sound of a gun cocking. 

“Who the Hell’s in my house?” came the sound of a familiar voice. 

“Bobby…” Castiel said with relief as the man in question came into the living room from the kitchen, lowering his gun as he saw who it was. 

Bobby’s face was immediately a mask of thinly veiled concern. His head cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed “Cas? If you’re here….Sam and Dean….Are they…”

Castiel smiled in understanding but his voice rang with sincerity. “Sam and Dean are both very much alive, Bobby. I can assure you of that.”

Bobby sunk down in his comfy, worn recliner, his body radiating relief. “Oh, thank God. When I saw you here I thought…Wait.. Why ARE you here?” He said with suspicious eyes. “I barely got back in the good graces of the Angels the last time you needed my help.”

Castiel nodded his head in acknowledgement. “I appreciate that still, and we did end up saving Dean thanks to your efforts…. but I’m only here to visit with you if you have the time.”

Bobby shrugged and propped his feet upon the coffee table. “Time, that’s somethin’ I got in spades. Have a seat. What’s on your mind?”

Castiel briefly caught Bobby up on why his presence was required in Heaven. Bobby shook his head and scratched the stubble on his chin.

“Well, that makes a hellava lot of sense. I thought I’d forgotten to pay an electric bill I didn’t know I owed,” Bobby chuckled as he glanced at the occasionally flickering light above him. “Cas, for what’s it worth, thanks for coming. I’ve already been down the angry spirit road once before. I’d rather not go back.” 

Cas nodded then he caught a glimpse of a photo on the wall he’d not noticed before. It had Sam, Dean, and Bobby crowded together around a fast food restaurant table, their faces tired but victorious.

Castiel was still studying the picture when Bobby spoke up. “The waitress took the photo. It was after a hunt. They’d solo’d it and drug their asses in here beat halfway to Sunday. I took ‘em out to eat and patched ‘em up. It was after they lost John.”

They both looked at the photo in silence a minute or so. Bobby cleared his throat and Castiel looked over. “How’s Dean taking it, you being stuck up here?”  
Cas furrowed his brow and frowned. “Not well. I thought he’d be better by now…”

“Aw, hell, boy. You outta know him better than that. Dean puts on a brave face but he’s loyal to a fault. He won’t give up on you until he’s exhausted every option, and hell probably not even then.”

Castiel’s frown deepened. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m not that important to anyone. He doesn’t need to risk himself."

Bobby shook his head. “You might as well be prepared. He wouldn’t give up on you when you went dark side or crazy as a bed bug, he sure as Hell ain’t gonna give up on you while you’re alive.”

Castiel leaned toward Bobby, talking intensely now. “How can I make him accept it? How can I make it easier for him to accept that this is necessary and permanent? How do I….I make him be able to bear it?” 

Bobby raised an eyebrow and smiled sadly. “You sure we’re still just talking about Dean? I’m dead, not blind, son.”

“I…I don’t know what you mean,” Castiel said as his eyes hardened slightly and he looked away. 

Bobby rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Okay, Cas. If you say so. Say, aren’t you gonna to get in trouble for coming here? Shouldn’t you be off doing Angel stuff?”  
Castiel sighed and a small look of defeat crossed his face. “I’m not much wanted for those tasks. I’m more of a walking-talking backup generator.”

Bobby let out a small huff. “Well, that’s got to be good for the old self esteem”

Castiel shrugged and stared up at the photo of the three of them again. Bobby started to make a comment, thought better of it, and left them both to sit in silence, but only after uttering softly to himself, “You damn, blind Idjit”. 

The Angel looked over, a brief break from his thoughts. “Did you say something?”

“Not a damn thing, Cas,” murmured Bobby as he took a swig of the bourbon he’d poured himself before he’d been interrupted by the pining Angel in his living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will begin to get longer as we get into the story. I apologize for the shorter beginning chapters but they have the shortest story cut off points!


	5. Vengeance and Spite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected consequences of Castiel's time in Heaven make his relationships with the other Angels more strained, while Dean hunts with Mary.

Castiel spent his days wandering the halls, visiting with Bobby, and avoiding the other Angels. He’d found the Heavens of their other friends and allies, but he hesitated to bother them. He knew Bobby was awake enough to know he was in Heaven. He knew what happened when people who didn’t know they were dead found out they were. It did not always go well, and he would not bring that pain upon their friends. Cas had even found Dean and Sam’s heavens. He’d laughed to himself at the death dates on the doors. There were very few in all the numbers of heaven that had multiple plaques with multiple death dates on them. His hand slid softly along their names. This feeling in his gut would go away eventually, right? The more time he spent in Heaven, he’d once again become more of the Angel he had been, right? 

He hoped so, and he hoped not. He changed his mind by the minute. He could not imagine going the rest of his miserably long life feeling this deep-seated anguish and misery…. but it was a pretty sure bet that he would never see the Empty if he felt this way forever. There was that at least. He’d choose Heaven over the Empty. Here was at least something. 

It was during one of these aimlessly wandering days that Naomi found him. 

“Ah, Castiel, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. It’s been quite some time now…. aren’t you at all interested in assisting me other than just being a celestial battery? I was hoping you would come to me and I wouldn’t have to seek you out….” Her voice came from behind him. Castiel stopped in his tracks at her voice and his shoulders immediately slumped. He knew they wouldn’t really leave him alone. He’d never been enough for Heaven, and they’d never truly let him be. Not even after all he’d sacrificed. 

“Naomi…I… ”Cas said as he turned to face her. There she stood in her grey pants suit, looking sure of herself, but Naomi’s eyes suddenly tightened as she studied him, her gaze suddenly far too studious. 

“Castiel….Your wings…They’re healing?” Naomi said with suspicious eyes as she stepped closer. 

Cas startled and tucked his wings at his sides. He’d noticed after only a few weeks, but he’d thought it best not to bring it up to any of the other Angels. He’d not fallen as the other Angels had after Metatron’s Spell. His Grace had been stolen before he could Fall, so he’d often hypothesized that staying for any length of time in Heaven’s gates might restore them. He’d never been desperate enough or foolish enough to try it, however. After only a couple of weeks, he’d seen new feathers emerge, strong, glossy, and unsinged. It was a small consolation, a very small one in the grand scheme of things.

“How? None of us have had any regrowth since The Fall.” Naomi said with an unhappy frown, her hand outstretched to touch his wings. He took a step back from the unwanted contact. 

“I…umm…believe it is because I did not Fall from Heaven after Metatron’s Spell. I wasn’t an Angel by that time since he took my Grace for the spell…” Castiel said as he looked at the ground, not liking the scrutinizing eye he was receiving. He took another step back from her outreached fingertips. 

“Hmm…. Perhaps. The other Angels won’t like that at all since you were the one assisting Metatron. It is probably best for you to continue to avoid interactions with any other Angels than me. I understand your motives behind working with Metatron, though misguided, were not to cause us to Fall. The other Angels are not so understanding….”

“I for once agree with you…” Castiel said with a sigh and he stepped back with alarm as Naomi stepped closer to him once again. He didn't like giving up ground to anyone, but Naomi wasn't anyone. Her touch repulsed him. The sound of her voice made something deep inside him recoil in horror. Even if he didn't have full memories of what she did, his brain and body did, and it wanted nothing to do with her. 

Naomi lowered her voice barely above a whisper. “Castiel, you realize if your wings continue to heal, you will be the only Angel left with the ability to fly…. That would make you almost as powerful as me….”

Castiel's body language changed in a moment as he stood taller. “No, that would make me more powerful than you, Naomi,” Castiel said with a growl of defiance, strength behind his eyes finally. He looked up and locked eyes with her. “Your power has always been in your given authority and your ability to reprogram us. I no longer accept your authority over me, and I will most certainly never put myself in a position to let you reprogram me ever again…”

Naomi’s eyes tightened. “You do realize if you allowed me to fix you, you wouldn’t have to live with this…” She waved her hands in a gesture that encompassed him completely. “Pain. These…emotions. You could be useful again. We could run Heaven together. We could fix it.” If he didn't know her, he might have fallen for her plea. However, her speech fell on deaf ears. 

“I’ve already given up everything else I hold dear to help Heaven, Naomi…. My memories are all I have left. You will not take those too.” Castiel stepped backward, putting as much distance between him and Naomi that he could. 

Naomi huffed in frustration. “Castiel, really. This obsession with those humans is just that, an obsession. Nothing more. Your fascination with them is beyond me. They are ants in the grand scheme of the universe. The fact that we are tasked with protecting their souls is baffling to me, but it is the task we’ve been assigned. The Winchesters are no more important than any of the other billions of souls in our charge.”

“On that, we can agree to disagree,” Castiel barked back. 

Naomi stopped short, letting out an angered breath. “I suppose we will leave this conversation for now…. but we will discuss this further Castiel. Eternity wandering the halls is going to get very lonely pining for a human you’ll never see again…” Naomi said with a raised eyebrow as she spun on her heal and stalked away. 

She wasn’t wrong, Castiel admitted to himself. He didn’t look forward to eternity missing his friends…his family…but he preferred it to never remembering they existed and the life he had with them. Remembering there was life outside of this sterile, cold place was all that kept him sane some days.  
\-----------------------------  
Castiel had just left a visit at Bobby's, exiting his Heaven door, when Naomi and the other Angels came around the corner, barring his way. 

“Naomi, what is it?” Castiel growled out, his back against the wall. His defenses were up as alarm bells sounded in his head. 

Naomi led the group, her hands held formally behind her back, the picture of authority to the other Angels. “Castiel, I’ve been considering this situation with your wings, and I must tell you I don’t much like it…” The other Angels eyes narrowed as he snapped his wings to his side. They had been continuing to heal, and he’d hoped the other Angels wouldn’t notice, but here they were. Their anger was almost tangible. 

Castiel shook his head, his eyes scanning the cluster of Angels. “I can’t control it, Naomi. I had no clue it would happen by returning to Heaven…”

Naomi crossed her arms across her chest, her mouth pinching at the corners.“Yes, well, that doesn’t solve my problem now does it? Controlling you and the things you do has always proven difficult at best. If your wings heal fully you may decide to up and leave us, knowing we can’t follow to apprehend you. So, I think a compromise is in order.”

Castiel knew too well what Naomi's compromises were like. He swallowed softly and raised one eyebrow. “And what is it that you have in mind?”

Naomi shrugged softly. “Just a small modification. A tracking sigil and the removal of your anti-tracking tattoo. I admit that was a slip on my part not to remove it before. However, in my defense, I really did not foresee this wing issue arising.” 

Castiel opened his mouth to argue but shut it abruptly, studying the crowd of Angels around him. “This isn’t a request is it?”

“I’m afraid not. Tanira and Badriel, please hold his arms.” Naomi came forward as the other two stepped forward and grabbed him roughly by the arms. Naomi shoved the trench coat aside and roughly pulled his white dress shirt up before laying a hand on his anti-tracking tattoo. Castiel locked eyes with Naomi and refused to give her the satisfaction of hearing him scream, so he ground his teeth in pain as she burned the tattoo from his skin. He could have fought but he knew if he killed the other Angels he would absolutely be trapped here or killed. He would stay alive for those he'd left behind, and he let Naomi see it in his eyes.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She said with a small smile on her face. Castiel could see the satisfaction behind her eyes. She liked to cause pain. “Now I’m afraid the tracking sigil itself will be a bit more uncomfortable. Duma, remove his coat please.”

Castiel looked to Duma and he could see the conflict in her eyes, but he knew she’d do what Naomi wanted in the end because they all feared her. They were sheep without a shepherd and Naomi was the closest they had to leadership. Duma stepped over and removed his coat with the help of the other Angels then two more Angels came and turned him roughly so that his face was against the wall. They stretched his wings out of the way and Naomi again lifted his shirt but this time the pain radiated in waves as she drew out the tracking sigil, much larger than he knew it had to be. His body shook with the effort not to make a sound, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. It seemed to go on forever before Naomi stepped back and the hands holding him released him. He closed his eyes a moment, swallowed hard and turned around. The group was gone. They must have anticipated him lashing out after the deed was done. He saw a tan piece of cloth peeking out from around the corner. Duma had dropped his coat, whether intentionally or not. He picked it up, dusted it off, winced at the pain he was in, and carefully put it back on. He would remember this moment, and he would not be stuck in this place forever. In that, he could assure himself. He would find a way home.  
\--------------------------

As the following days turned into weeks, he decided the best thing he could do was avoid all the other Angels, …. But where could he go? He had a thought and headed toward one of the oldest areas of Heaven’s halls. It took him quite some time to reach it, as the halls were a meandering maze of doors, but he finally found it. The power here was the dimmest, the lights barely flickering, creating shadows of his form along the wall. Perhaps he could be out of the other’s radars here. These were the oldest souls in Heaven and there was little need for Angel activity here.

As he walked along and read the names, all in long forgotten languages, he stopped abruptly. The door on his right was a name written in clear English, and there was no birth or death date. Only the words C. Shurley on the simple plaque. 

Castiel looked around the empty hall, thinking he had to be seeing things, or perhaps this was a trap. It really couldn’t be. There was no way in Heaven or Hell, but he had to know. He pushed open the door and was met with no resistance. This Heaven was very humble. It was a small studio apartment, the windows dark to the outside. There was a well-worn plaid couch in rusty reds and browns pushed up against one wall. The only other furniture he could see was a wooden drafting table with a ceiling light hanging above it. It illuminated several pages of quickly scribbled notes and sketches and next to it on the floor was an overflowing black metal trashcan with crumpled pages spilling over the top of it. 

He couldn’t help it. He had to know. He stepped over to the table and looked at the notes. There were notes written in margins, some circled or underlined and some crossed out entirely. Some of the phrases underlined were things like “Free Will?” “Loyalty” “Compassion”. Those crossed out that he could still read were “subservient”, “infinite”, and “devoted solely to the task”. There was a rough sketch of wings much like his own. 

“I wondered how long it would take you to wander this way, my way word son….” Came a familiar voice from the plaid couch.  
\---------------------------

“Dean, wait!” hissed Mary from the trunk of the Impala. Dean was shoulders-deep in the weapons hatch of the vehicle and was sticking knives and machetes in pockets and a pistol at the small of his back. “Bobby and the rest aren’t even here yet.”

“Mom, it’s just a vamp. One. Uno. I’ll take care of it myself if you’d rather wait outside for Bobby,” Dean grumbled as he checked that everything was where it should be. 

“Don’t be stupid, Dean. You know I’m not letting you go in alone, but why not wait?” Mary grabbed his arm and he stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. She frowned, the lines in her forehead deepening subtly. He had not been himself for months now, and hunting had seemed to only make his mood worse. She couldn’t argue he was an efficient hunting partner, but he seemed to be out of touch more and more. He had begun letting stubble grow where before he’d preferred clean-shaven and he seemed only focused on the hunt. She couldn’t even get Bobby or Sam to persuade him to take some downtime off.

“Dean, what’s with you?” Mary whispered sharply as she tucked a strand of her blonde her behind her ears. 

“I’m doing my job, like everyone else,” Dean said with a tone that implied he’d repeated this line numerous times. 

He stormed toward the door and Mary followed at his heels, refusing to let him go in alone. She reached for the knob, but Dean reared back and kicked the door in, all subtlety be damned. There was a lone light illuminating the ramshackle cabin. It buzzed in protest as a moth batted against it’s dimming light. The room was quiet. Mary stood back to back with Dean as they turned in a circle. Suddenly out of the darkness, a humanoid shape swooped in, its pearlescent white teeth shining in the darkness. It’s mouth unhinged in a twisted smile, revealing rows and rows of teeth. 

“Not a vamp!” Dean shouted as he pushed Mary aside and the figure fell into Dean. They were face to face on the floor, with Dean straining to keep the teeth from what he assumed was the desired target of his neck. He gritted his own teeth as he strained to keep the creature at bay. It looked human enough if you disregarded the giant, gaping jaw and teeth that belonged on shark week. The manlike figure had pale skin and shaggy blonde hair but his eyes were crazed with hunger. “Mom…a little help…” Dean groaned in exhaustion. His fingers dug into the creature’s arms, straining to keep the inches of space between them that he could. He turned his face to the side as a glob of drool dripped onto his cheek. 

Mary stood above him, hesitant about what would do the trick. She grabbed her hunting knife and plunged it into its neck, which might severe his spinal cord or just piss him off. Regardless it would distract him enough to give Dean a moment of respite. 

Unexpectantly, the man-creature collapsed as if he was a puppet whose strings had been cut. Dean’s arms collapsed with the sudden dead weight and the head of the creature rolled to the side. Mary got on her knees and pushed the body off Dean. They both were breathing hard as they looked over at the newly deceased creature. Its eye had already begun to glaze over in death. 

“Thanks….” Dean said sheepishly as he stood up, beating the dust from the unkempt floor off the backs of his pants. “You really saved my ass…”

Mary stood up and took out her pistol, shooting one shot into the creatures’ brain for safe measure. “If you’d have listened outside, we might have avoided this. Overconfidence will get you killed Dean Winchester. We wait for backup for a reason.” 

Dean almost rolled his eyes but thought better of it. “Yeah, yeah. Now, what the hell was that?” He said as he looked at the dead creature lying prone on the floor. 

“I don’t know but I’ll get some photos and we’ll send them to Sam.” Mary took her phone out, snapped a few photos of the creature’s jaw and teeth and they headed out to the Impala.  
\----------------------------  
Dean didn’t notice until they were hours away and had stopped for the night that he didn’t have his phone. While the others stayed in the diner, binging on greasy food and beers, Dean searched the seats, trunk, and every crack and crevice for his phone. It was nowhere to be found. Damn it. He slumped into the driver seat in defeat. Phones were easy enough to replace but he’d lost all his photos, contacts, texts, and voicemails. He’d never admit to anyone else he would often fall asleep at night flipping through old messages and photos on his phone. The group chat of Sam, Dean, and Cas…. candid photos they’d taken of the Angel…and a few voicemails Cas’ had left in annoyance when Dean had been too busy to answer his phone. All gone. The last remnants of Cas…gone. Dean swallowed hard and took a deep breath to compose himself. This shouldn’t still be this damn hard! It had been almost a year now…a year in just a few days. Cas wasn’t coming back and that was that. 

Dean let out a breath. “Cas…. I…I hope you're okay up there. I wish…. Just…just stay safe…. God, this is stupid. You probably can’t even hear me…” He swung his legs out of his car and slammed the door, walking slowly into the diner, his heavy feet scraping against the asphalt as he went to join Mary and the rest of the hunting party.

Meanwhile, at the house they’d left hours ago, a dark-haired female walked in to find the dead man on the floor. She let out a wail of anguish and fell to his side, thumbing over the hole in his head from the bullet. She rolled his body over to see the telltale stab wound to the back of his neck, the killing blow. Her foot struck something on the floor, and she swiped it up. A phone. A clue to the killer of her mate. She clutched it to her chest.

“Brathen, your death will be avenged. Their soul will sustain me and our children. Do not worry.”


	6. How to fix a flawed design

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds out what Chuck's been doing and Dean runs into some trouble and has an unexpected savior.

“What the…Go..” Castiel began, stunned. 

“No..no..Chuck, not the….the other thing…” Chuck said with a dismissing wave of his hand. “And please, no grand gestures or bowing or any of that stuff. It makes me uncomfortable.” 

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. His fists clenched and unclenched at his side in a hidden show of frustration he’d picked up from Dean. “That is most definitely not something I was going to do. Where have you been?! Why are you hiding out in Heaven while all of this,” Cas gestured wildly around him, “is going on? You think I’d actually BOW right now?” His voice held every bit of the frustration he was holding back.

Chuck lifted an eyebrow and one side of his mouth quirked up. “You really are a mouthy one…Wow. I never noticed before…” Chuck said as he circled Castiel. He tapped a pencil to his chin as he walked. “What do you think? Is that Sam and Dean’s influence or your own development of Free Will?” 

Castiel startled at the sudden change in conversation and turned as Chuck circled him. “I….I’m not sure. Naomi said I’d always been rebellious.” 

Chuck made a tsk tsk sound between his teeth as he shook his head. “Oh, Naomi. I really messed up with that design. She’s pretty much your complete opposite. Oh well, everyone can’t be a winner.”

Cas’ temper was beginning to fray but he endeavored to control it considering his audience. “Can’t be a winner? She literally drilled holes in my brain to make me toe the line…not just me! Countless others, and where were you during that? Where have you been for all of this?”

Chuck sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Alright, I admit it wasn’t my best idea to cut the Angels loose. Survival of the Fittest didn’t go well for you guys…”

“You think? There’s only a dozen of us left and Heaven….”

“Yes, Heaven is failing. That’s why I’m here…” Chuck said as he walked hurriedly over to his drawing table. “I need to design more Angels, but better than before obviously. However, I’m running into some issues…” He tapped the eraser end of his pencil on the pad before bringing it between his teeth for a moment.

Castiel stood with his feet rooted to the floor, his head cocked to the side in confusion. “You’re going to design more? Why?” 

Chuck sighed and sat down on his stool, turning to face him. “You really don’t think much of me, do you? Fair enough, but remember,” Chuck said as he pointed the pencil tip at Cas, “I rebuilt you more times that even you know…I’m not all bad. I do care…” 

“About who? Humans? Angels? Because I don’t see that!” Castiel blurted out in frustration as he ground his teeth. 

Chuck shook his head and he smiled fully this time. “Really, really amazing. You realize Lucifer and Metatron are the only other Angels that would ever talk to me that way?” 

Castiel stopped short and lowered his eyes. “That…that’s not a compliment. I apologize.”

Chuck leapt off his stool. “NO! It’s the thing I can’t fix in this design. That’s why I was hoping you’d find your way here. I could have willed you to come, but I wanted to see if you’d find your way on your own….and you always seem to…So, you are the one I need to help me make this next batch better than before. You….you, Gabriel, and Balthazar…..well, Balthazar went a little too far sometimes….and Gabriel with the porn stars…I really can’t condone that..” Chuck said with a nervous gesture of his hands,” but you…you’ve stayed dedicated to my creations. You protect the human race, even against your own flock. Why do you make that choice? For research purposes of course…” Chuck said as he gestured at his table before propping his chin upon his hand as he leaned on his knees.

Cas studied Chuck’s earnest face, debating on his reply. He hesitated but if ever he had to tell the truth, it would be here. “Humans are amazing. They love deeply. They protect each other. They’re resilient…They…They are better than us in every way. The Angels…we…we are opposed to change. We focus on our designated tasks and damn the consequences. We fight amongst ourselves and fight for power. When the Angels fell, they hurt people to help themselves. They were unable to adapt…they jump-started the apocalypse because they were bored…Angels are dangerously short-sighted.”

Chuck nodded his head and turned on his stool and jotted down notes on a notepad beside his sketch pad. “These are all great observations. So, what do you think made you different?”

Castiel frowned and paced nervously. “I…uh…I’m unsure…”

Chuck smiled as he finished writing and kept his back to Castiel. “Are you? I’m not. It’s obviously the influence of the Winchesters on your personality, but how is what I don’t understand…” and he again twirled forward on his stool. “How did you develop free will when I didn’t give it to you? And do I give it to the new Angels? I just don’t know what to do…I used to be so sure of myself…but there are so many consequences…”

“Free Will is a dangerous thing. You know the things I’ve done in the name of doing good that were….” Castiel hesitated before dropping his eyes in shame. 

Chuck let the silence sit a moment before adding, “Misguided, but still in a mindset of doing good, Castiel. Yes, I know everything you have done. I’m so sorry I put you through that. I could have stopped you….”

Castiel grew angry and quiet, his shoulders slumped as he sat down heavily on the couch. “you should have. I hurt so many people…”

Chuck sighed. “You did. Some of those were innocents, but you weren’t in your right mind…”

“And that makes it better?” Cas growled out as he gripped his hands together. “I can never atone for the things I’ve done. I’m not the one you should be looking to for help to design new Angels. I am immensely flawed and seem to do nothing but make things worse…”

Chuck smiled and went to sit next to Castiel on the couch. “Castiel, I created you but I afraid I cannot take credit for who you have become. You are humble, full of contrition, and always striving to be better than you were. You have fallen down and instead of giving up, you got up and tried harder. You have sacrificed so much for the greater good, and you are still sacrificing. You have given up so much…more than you admit to anyone. But I can see you, Castiel, and no matter what you have done, those things have made you who you are….and I am proud of who you have become. You should be too.”

Castiel looked up and shook his head. “If you knew me, truly knew me, you wouldn’t feel that way.”

“Castiel, I’m the big G…I know you. I know everything.” Chuck shrugged his shoulders as he gave a reassuring smile. 

Castiel let the silence fall as he felt Chuck all but studying him. He began his sentence multiple times but couldn’t quite get the words out. Finally, he took a breath. “Then you know that I….”

Chuck smiled softly. “That you know what real love feels like? Yes, and again, that’s why I need you here. Only you can help me, Castiel. Loving Dean Winchester isn’t a sin, son. I need your help. Are you ready to help me do that, now?”

Castiel’s jaw tightened and he sighed, tension leaving his shoulders. “Yes. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Great! Now let’s get to it. Oh, one more thing. I need you to go stop Dean from getting himself killed…” He gave an apologetic grimace of a smile before he added, “Again…but I’m sorry…you can’t stay. I need your help, and mum’s the word on me being here. Make it quick! Oh, and stab it in the back of the neck, okay? It’s a Croccotta. Nasty business.” He mimed stabbing as Castiel tried to comprehend the abrupt conversation change once again. 

“Wha…” Castiel began but Chuck snapped his fingers and he was gone.  
\------------------------------  
Dean sat beside Mary at the bar. The neon signs helped cast eerie shadows on the poster covered walls of the bar they’d stopped at. He had wasted at least twenty empty minutes studying the concert dates on the old posters that were held up by peeling pieces of scotch tape. Mary and Bobby were laughing amongst themselves at a corner booth while he nursed the whiskey in front of him. They’d stopped at the hotel next door for the night and they had wanted a celebratory drink after the successful hunt. Well, Mary and Bobby had. Dean wasn’t much in the mood, but he tagged along. It was better than sitting alone in the empty hotel room. Mom always seemed to call Sam when he sulked too much, so he’d figured out how to make a show of it. 

“Hey, there. That whiskey didn’t do anything to you. Why give it that look? That’s my best stuff.” The female bartender smiled at Dean. She was wearing a sleeveless, black tank top with visible tattoos, and her smile was warm and friendly. Her dark red hair was pulled back in a messy bun that had become messier as the activity of the night had gone on. She was pretty, he admitted to himself, but he was definitely not in the mood for that either. 

Dean let a half smile form on his lips. “It tastes just fine. I’m just not in the mood for it,” He answered as he downed the rest of the glass and slid her the empty.  
She nodded, impressed. “What else can I get you then darlin? What are ya’ in the mood for?” She lifted an eyebrow and laughed. “If it isn’t alcohol, I can’t help though. She’d kick your ass and mine,” She laughed as she nodded down at the end of the bar at an equally pretty brunette with a short pixie cut who winked at her as they made eye contact.

Dean smiled then looked down. “Nah, I’m good. Not much in the mood for that either.”

“Who is she?” the bartender said with an understanding smile as she leaned on the bar. She glanced down and saw everyone was satisfied so she gave her attention back to Dean. “I see a lot of glum faces here. She stand you up?”

Dean let a huff of air escape his nose and he rubbed his hand against the scruff he’d let grow on his face. “Nah, there’s no she. I’m on a business trip with my mom and a friend,” Dean gestured with his head at Mary and Bobby, who were deep in conversation at their booth. 

“Liar. I’m good at reading faces. Some people think I’m psychic,” She said with a grin as she tapped her head. She nodded her head to Mary and Bobby. “Those two ain’t just friends and you’re missing someone pretty badly. If I’m wrong, it’d be a first.”

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine. You’re not wrong, and no I don’t wanna talk about it. What’s my bill?” She smiled and wrote up his tab. He got his wallet out of his back pocket, fished out a few bills and tossed them on top of the bill. “Have a good night,” Dean said before gesturing to Mary he was heading to the hotel. She nodded and went back to talking to Bobby, a bright smile on her face. Dean’s eyes narrowed in suspicion before shrugging and heading out the door. The hotel was only a parking lot away from the bar. It was all but abandoned, this being a sparse strip of highway. He made his way slowly across the lot, his hand in his pocket to grab up his hotel key. He crossed the grassy barrier between the parking lots when he froze in place, a familiar voice grabbing his attention. 

“Dean,” a gravelly voice he hadn’t heard in a year came distant but clear from a small wooded area behind the hotel and bar. 

“Cas?” Dean hissed back, peering into the darkness. That was the only person with a voice like that. The gravelly tone was so obviously Cas that it sent a shiver of familiarity down his arms. 

“Come to me,” the voice spoke from the woods. It had to be Castiel. No other voice sounded like that. Dean reached to the small of his back and grabbed at his pistol. He clicked the safety off and walked toward the woods with the gun aimed at the ground, clutched between his shaking hands. 

“Cas?” Dean said again, a small swell of desperation in his voice he didn’t care for. He was being reckless and stupid. He knew it but he couldn’t walk away without knowing. What if it was Cas and he was hurt? “Cas!” Dean whisper-shouted, not wanting to draw too much attention from anyone else.

“Dean, come to me. I’m here,” the familiar voice spoke out in response. Dean made it to the wooded area, his shoes stepping from concrete to pine needles. The crunch of them underneath his feet sounded loud in his ears. The only other sound he could hear was his own ragged breathing. He scanned the darkness and saw nothing. He wasn’t crazy. He knew what he’d heard. This was stupid. He should go back and get Mary and Bobby…. He should…but what if it was Cas and he was gone when he got back?

“Cas, damn it. If this is you, come out and stop playing games,” Dean growled out. “If you’re not Cas, come out so I can kill you. I’m good either way.” 

“Dean.” That one word had Dean stupidly stepping further into the wooded area. He heard movement behind him and he whirled to see…. It wasn’t Cas. His heart fell in disappointment and raced with adrenaline at the same time. He was in danger. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he laid eyes on her. The woman had scraggly brown hair, hanging below her shoulders. It hung heavily, greasy and unwashed. Her eyes were deep-sunken and full of a rage he could relate to. Her face appeared pinched as if she hadn’t had a good meal in weeks.....Her mouth stretched wide, flashing rows and rows of teeth, a smile that made Dean step back. 

“Come to me,” she whispered, but the voice was clearly Castiel.

“How…” Dean growled out as he raised his gun to her head. 

“You left your phone when you killed my mate, hunter. Your voicemails helped me. I do love technology. I’ve tracked you over two states to hurt you, hurt you like you hurt Brathen. I thought this one’s voice would call to you best. Or perhaps this one would do it?” The female’s voice morphed into Sam’s at the end, making Dean take another step back in revulsion. He momentarily tripped over a tree root, hidden in the pine needles but he regained his footing without losing eye contact with the woman-creature before him. 

“Nice monologue. I give it a 7 out of 10. I gave extra points for the neat voice changing trick,” Dean said firmly, this voice not reflecting the adrenaline racing through him. He’d been stupid and now he’d pay for it. What was she…not vampire. Big rows of sharp teeth. Shit. He’d seen this before but it’d been forever. Voice manipulation…Shit. Shit. Shit. He shot one bullet into her skull. The force threw her back a moment, but she shook like a dog and came forward again. Okay, a headshot was not going to work. That was his go-to method when he wasn’t sure what would work. She raced toward him, her mouth opened wide. She was incredibly fast and before he knew it, he was pinned against a pine tree, the bark biting into the backs of his arms. 

“I’m not just going to kill you, oh no,” whispered the Croccota female. “I’m going to feast upon your soul. It will sustain me long after your meat has rotted away and your bones have bleached in the sun.” She opened her mouth wide and gripped Dean’s chin with one of her hands, her jagged nails digging into his skin. Her hand pushed against his chest, holding him there with supernatural strength. She inhaled and he felt his soul sliding up his throat. He’d never experienced it but he knew. That was his soul. He felt like gagging. It was a horrifying sensation of suffocating and choking. Would Sammy ever find out what happened to him? Mary and Bobby…they’d come running after they heard the gunshot. He prayed she’d be gone after she ended him. His surroundings faded around the edges, darkening. This must be it. Sparks flashed in his vision. He was losing consciousness. Suddenly, he felt himself pressed harder against the tree and he blinked slowly, his brain unable to process. A shard of silver was sticking out of the creature’s neck. The tip of it was a hair’s breadth from his own Adam’s apple. As quickly as things felt dark, time sped up and he felt his soul recede inside him and the Croccata fell to the ground, revealing his savior. 

Castiel stared wide-eyed at Dean, the bloody Angel blade still clutched in his right hand. His hair had grown longer and was falling in front of his incredibly blue eyes. He dropped the blade suddenly and closed the distance between them. 

“Dean, are you hurt? I thought I was too late…” Castiel said with concern evident in his tone. His eyes searched Deans. “Your soul is back where it should be,” he said with certainty before healing the nail marks on Dean’s face. He suddenly realized how close they were and took a step back, leaving Dean leaning against the tree, perplexed. 

“Cas? Is that really you?” Dean looked down at the Croccata then back at Cas. “If this is another damn monster trick…” He growled as he raised his gun slightly.  
“it’s not a trick. It’s me. Hello, Dean,” Cas said with a happy smile, his eyes darting around Dean’s face, trying to memorize it after being gone so long. “You’ve grown a beard. That’s new.” 

“Wait. Wait. Wait. You can’t just be gone a year then bippity boppity boo yourself back down here to save my ass. You can’t even fly. How…” Dean’s eyes were wary, confused, and angry. 

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry,” Castiel said, the happiness fading as Dean’s anger seeped into his own mood. 

“The Hell you can’t. A year, Cas!” Dean hissed out. Cas heard Mary and Bobby coming and knew his time would be up sooner than he’d like with nothing to show for it, other than Dean being alive of course. He threw his hand over Dean’s mouth and pushed him against the tree again. 

“Dean, I’m sorry but my time is extremely short and unpredictable, and there are things I have to say.” Castiel leaned closely and looked into Dean’s eyes. He nodded slowly and Cas removed his hand. “Dean, the time may come when I can return here. There are events happening that might make it so. I can’t tell you why or even when, but please trust me. I need to know if there is a reason for me to come back here, to you. Am I better off where I am? If so, I will accept that answer but I cannot continue on with the hope of returning to you not knowing…not knowing if I am wanted. If I am better staying in Heaven and serving them, I will do it. I don’t want to be a burden. Do you understand what I am asking you?”

Dean let a half smile slip. “Shut up, Cas.” Castiel tilted his head to the side before Dean gripped his tie and pulled him in close. “I’ve been losing my damn mind, you know that? Wondering if you were okay, then you poof here and start talking…and talking…and talking. God, I missed that.” Castiel stiffened when Dean said God but he didn’t notice. Dean’s hands shook when he reached one up to touch his fingertips lightly to Cas’ face, as if he still wasn’t sure he was real. “I took you for granted, took for granted you’d always be around and we’d have time for…. you know, talking all this shit out. You do what you need to come back to me. You hear me? You get the chance to come home, you damn well come home. This…this thing we’ve been dancing around? I think I’m ready to stop dancing. This year has been Hell…and I’d known what Hell feels like. You hear what I’m saying?”

Castiel smiled, letting his teeth flash, and Dean almost gasped by the sheer beauty of an Angel smiling at him. “I hear you, Dean.” He looked Heavenward and then back at Dean. “I would like to try something…. I hope I have time.” He leaned forward and closed his eyes, letting his instincts find Dean’s lips. It was something he’d wanted to do for so, so very long. The kiss was nervous, soft, and Dean tasted of good whiskey. He pulled away when he heard Mary and Bobby step foot into the woods. 

“I love you, Dean Winchester, and for the first time I don’t believe it’s a sin…” Castiel whispered into his ear and then he was gone. 

Dean was still leaning against the tree trunk when Mary and Bobby found him. His eyes were dazed but he had a spark in them that had been missing for some time. He told them about the Croccatta and he searched her body for his phone, which he found in her back pocket. Things were back on track an he felt like he could breathe for the first time in too long. He didn’t tell them about Cas. He would but not now… They wouldn’t believe him anyway. It was impossible…. but he and Cas had always been good at impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be updating every Sunday unless otherwise noted. :) If you enjoy, please leave a comment! Feedback is so nice when you aren't sure if you're just writing to yourself hah!


	7. Back to Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck and Castiel get down to discussing what the new Angels need, along with a little personal discussion and Sam and Dean have a heart to heart of their own.

Chuck was sitting at the drawing table, jotting notes and sketching when Castiel popped back into the room. He seemed more than a bit flustered from the trip having not traveled so rapidly in quite a few years. Castiel braced himself against the wall to stabilize himself. Chuck didn’t move from his seat but his voice clearly indicated he knew he was there. 

“Sorry it took me a few extra minutes to bring you back, Castiel. I must have gotten distracted and lost track of time…. How’s Dean?” Chuck said with a smile evident in his tone. 

“He’s alive….thank you for that….” Cas said as he went to stand next to him. 

Chuck waived his hand to the side in a dismissive gesture. “Eh. It’s no big deal. I still answer a prayer or two. Well, let’s get to it,” Chuck said as he rubbed his hands together then cracked his knuckles. Castiel tilted his head to the side, slightly taken about by the suddenness of the topic change and the previous events with Dean. “Angels. At your core, you are basically just waves of celestial intent shaped into the Angelic forms I design. That’s easy enough for me to do, but we don’t want another Zachariah problem for sure….” Chuck said as he chewed on his lower lip and tapped his pencil on the paper. Castiel could not argue that point. They sat in silence for a moment before Castiel mustered up his first ideas. 

“You need leadership. Solid, morally sound leadership,” Castiel added. He wished he had more time to have spent with Dean, but he’d been given more than he’d ever thought he’d have again. The sooner he helped Chuck design more Angels, the sooner he’d be back there. With Dean. With his family. 

Chuck whirled around to face Castiel, his mouth pulled in a hard line. “There’s the problem. You’ve heard the phrase. Power corrupts. You see it on Earth too. Give someone a little power and their morals crumble. Naomi, as messed up as she is, has stayed the course of the Angel’s mission to protect Heaven, but she should have let the rebel Angels go, not tortured you all.” Chuck put his hands together and tapped his pointer fingers on his lips. “Then there is the issue of Rebel Angels.”

Castiel shook his head and stepped closer to the drawing table, his hands tucked in his coat pockets. He was the picture of ease but standing this close to his creator had him more than a bit on edge. “Focus on one task at a time. The leadership. Strong belief in the mission to protect the souls of Heaven and humanity at large. Caring about souls but not about people is hypocritical. I’ve always found it to be so.” 

Chuck nodded as he turned back toward the table, writing down on his notepad. “Good note. See, this is the help I needed!” 

“What do I do if Naomi comes looking for me?” Castiel said suddenly, his thoughts drawn to the dangerous Angel in question. 

Chuck waved his hand in dismissal again. “That’s not an issue. You’re the only one I made able to find this door.” The magnitude of the situation finally sunk into Cas’ mind and he stood silently beside Chuck a moment. 

“Why me?” Castiel said softly. 

“It had to be you. You know that. There’s never been another Angel like you, and unfortunately there can’t be another one ever again…. We can’t have all of my Angels choosing to live on Earth, now can we?”

Cas’ eyes met Chuck’s. “You’re…. you’re going to let me go back? Really?”

Chuck’s smile was a kind and understanding one. “One thing at a time, Castiel…. but once we get this design right and I can create more Angels, yes. You deserve to be happy after all you have done for me, for Heaven, and for Earth.”

Castiel started and his forehead creased as he frowned. A terrible realization creeped in. “Happy…. I…I can’t be happy. I made a deal with the Empty…”

Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course you did. You really have been around Dean and Sam too long. Let the Empty come. I’ve a few words for it.”

Castiel cocked his head to the side. “They said you had no power there…”

Chuck huffed, indignation in his tone. “I may not. They are nothingness, after all. Amara, however, can handle them just fine. I’ve already put in a word. Also…. we need to make a design change there. Angels don’t deserve The Empty…. I’m not sure how I didn’t consider what would happen to your essence if you died. Sheer cockiness on my part. I never considered my Angels able to die….”

“And I have been very good at proving that false,” Castiel added, briefly reliving every moment. He could still feel the stab of the Angel Blades from the Reaper and Lucifer and even the moment his very essence evaporated in that field…Lucifer again. 

“Well, not to point out the obvious, but Sam and Dean haven’t helped in that regard either. You’re all three a magnet for trouble…” Chuck said as he scratched out more notes. Silence fell in the room for several minutes. Castiel was anxious to pursue all the questions he’d been wanting to ask, but he hesitated to interrupt. 

“I’m a captive audience Castiel, if you’ve got a question, ask it,” Chuck spoke over his shoulder as he scribbled, reading Cas’ thoughts. 

“ Okay….tell me why,” Castiel said as he paced the floor slowly. 

“Why, what, Castiel? You’ll have to be more specific.”

Castiel huffed in annoyance. “You can’t read my mind one minute and pretend you can’t the next.”

Chuck laughed softly. “You’re right.” He twirled around on his stool to face Castiel. “Why did I resurrect you so many times, and then not this last time? It’s a fair question. I brought you back to help Sam and Dean. I…I didn’t want to be God anymore, and those two, as much as they screw up, do a pretty good job at keeping the Earth spinning. They needed you. Those two alone couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t trust that another of my Angels would step in to do the job. You have always been determined when devoted to a task. You admired humanity and felt the need to protect it above the orders of the Angels…That’s why I put the order in through Joshua for you to be the one to save Dean from hell. Sure, the Angels wanted him out to get the Apocalypse rolling. If I’d let him stay down there, no Apocalypse, but also, no wonder team to help save the world. Yeah, Dean made a bad deal, but he didn’t deserve Hell. I knew there were other Angels capable of the task, but I knew you’d keep Dean safe as soon as you met him. You’d admire him for all his faults.” Chuck nodded his head to the side. “Now, did I expect you two to fall for each other? No. Complete surprise on my part, and it takes talent to surprise me.” Chuck pointed his pencil at Cas with a smirk. 

Castiel let a small smile escape his lips before looking to the floor in embarrassment. “You could have stopped it….You still could. The other Angels say…”

Chuck did a swiping motion with his hand. “Oh, who cares what the other Angels say. You…” Chuck got up then and put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “You learned how to love all on your own. Not just romantic love. Friendship, family, love. Why would I stop that? You have become someone more remarkable than I could have designed myself. I wouldn’t stop that for anything.”

Castiel tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Then why did you have me remain dead this last time?”

Chuck’s face fell in a moment of regret. “Yeah…that was a bad call. Castiel, I thought….I thought you deserved some peace. You and Dean didn’t seem to be making any headway. You seemed so unhappy the last few years. Then Jack was here and I thought perhaps he could help them instead and let you be in peace…I was wrong. Then you went and surprised me again by waking up and beating the Empty at his own game…You continue to evolve and surprise me. I’m excited to see who you will be in the future.”

“Do you think Sam and Dean would have been better off without me?” Castiel said quietly as Chuck returned to his desk. 

“Castiel, their futures were already written before you intervened. They’d have fought as Micheal and Lucifer. They’d have burned this world the ground, and Sam and Dean as you know them would have ceased to be. Do you really not understand what you did? Has no one ever explained? You’re breaking with the Angels to help them, it saved the world Castiel. Sam and Dean could not have won without you. Now then, are we going to design Angels or what? The sooner we get this done, the sooner I send you home to the Winchesters.”  
\------------------------------------------------------  
Dean opened the door to the bunker and tossed his duffel at Jack, who was waiting at the foot of the stairs. “Lucy, I’m home!” Dean crowed out as he made his way down. 

Sam came in from the Library and raised an eyebrow and a shared look with Jack. “Well, you’re in much better spirits.”

Dean smiled and patted them both on the shoulder as he met the last step. “Yes, I am. I had mom drop me off. I figured you two were pouting without me around,” Dean teased as he headed for the kitchen. 

Sam looked to Jack, who joined him in his confusion. He shrugged in response and they followed him into the kitchen. 

Sam leaned his tall body against the doorframe and crossed his red plaid-clad arms over his chest. “Spill it. What’s with the mood uplift? You’ve been walking around like….” Sam began.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam with a lifted eyebrow. “Like my best friend died? Well, I mean, close right? Well, something good happened. Can’t I be allowed to be in a good mood?” Dean said as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and twisted the top off, tossing it onto the counter. 

“Yes, but….ugh, Dean. Please don’t try to share any of your gross conquest stories. I’m glad your in a good mood but I really don’t need details..” Sam groaned as he assumed what Dean was talking about, holding a hand up to stop him. 

Dean pointed his beer bottle at Sam. “You’re wrong but thanks for playing. I saw Cas,” he said as he flashed a smile before taking a swig of beer 

Sam, who had been about to sit down jumped to his feet. Jack stepped closer. “What? How? When?” Sam stammered out. “Is he okay?”

"Is he coming home?" Jack added quietly as he looked from Sam to Dean, his eyes full of hope. Dean took his beer and sat down calmly at the table. He was enjoying dangling the good news in front of them and they both came to sit down across from him. 

“He’s okay. I got myself in a bad spot outside that hotel near that vamp nest we dusted.” He rubbed the back of his neck reflexively and studied the tabletop as he spoke. “A Croccota...just about killed me... and Cas booped in and saved my ass.” Dean took a swig of his beer then, his mood lowering as he saw the glare from Sam.   
“Wait…you almost died and you’re just now telling me? Why didn’t mom tell me?” Sam’s brows furrowed and his jaw flexed in barely contained frustration.

Dean shrugged and smiled apologetically. “Oh, uh, mom doesn’t know. About any of it. Cas, or the almost dying part. Anyway, …he said there is something happening in Heaven and he may be able to come home someday…”Dean mumbled toward the end, realizing how open-ended and vague it seemed when he said it out loud. 

“How did he come down? He can’t fly….” Sam said as his forehead wrinkled in confusion. 

“I, uh…. forgot to ask how,” Dean murmured, getting uncomfortable the more Sam dug. 

“How could you forget to ask? That’s kind of important. And what’s going on in Heaven?”

“Well,” Dean scratched the back of his head, “Look, he was in a hurry. I didn’t ask. He booped in. Saved my ass. We talked for a very short minute. He booped out. Period. The point is, he’s okay and he’ll get to come home!” Dean exclaimed at Sam’s doubtful face. 

“Dean, he said someday. It could be years…it’s really not fair of him to dangle that in front of you like that. I really…I really hoped you’d found something else to cheer you up…I mean…It’s great that Cas has the chance to come home, but you can’t hang all your hopes on that…” Sam said with a frown as he shook his head in concern. Jack looked from Sam to Dean, growing tension in his body. 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Sam? Cas is one of us. So, sue me for wanting him to be home, where he belongs. Oh wait, I forgot. You like to give up on us when we’re gone for more than a year. So that’s your time limit on family, huh? Got it….” Dean downed the rest of his beer, left the empty on the table and stormed out. 

Sam sat there with a puzzled look on his face until Jack spoke quietly. “Sam….I really think you should listen to me. I tried to tell you before. Cas and Dean….”

Sam looked to Jack then, finally hearing him. “What? What am I missing?”

Jack spoke with little inflection. “They love each other. Like a couple loves each other. I’ve seen it. They act just like those couples in the movies I watch. Don’t you see it? When Dean hated me, I brought Castiel back, and Dean was happy again.”

Sam shook his head slowly. “No, that doesn’t mean they are…a thing. They just have a really close friendship. They’ve been through a lot together. A lot I've missed.”

Jack tucked in his lower lip and nodded. “I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. I know I haven’t been alive as long as you but….but when I still had my powers and Castiel was dead…I could hear his prayers, Sam. He prayed every night for God to bring Castiel back to life.”

Sam didn’t say anything but stared at the door Dean had exited, deep in thought. Perhaps Jack was right and he’d been blind to it. If so, he’d been a pretty insensitive bastard during all of this….but how to bring it up?  
\-------------------------------------------------  
“Dean?” Sam knocked on the partially open bedroom door and pushed it open as he spoke. 

“What?” Dean growled out, his headphones in his hand as he was preparing to slide them on. 

Sam stood in the doorway, his hands tucked in his pockets and his shoulders rolled in, his demeanor nothing if not apologetic. “Can we talk?” 

“Sure, Sammy. What other happiness do you wanna crap on?” Dean barked out as he sat on the edge of bed, and Sam sheepishly sat down beside him, tucking his long hair behind his ears. 

Sam sighed and ignored his barking tone. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t understand. I think I do a little more now thanks to Jack.” Dean raised an eyebrow in a gesture to continue. 

“Jack pointed out that there were some things I might have been missing….about you and Cas…” Sam led in gently to test the waters. 

Dean stiffened as if someone had shocked him. “Oh.” His eyes widened and he fidgeted in discomfort, letting his fingers wrap around the headphone cord. His swallowed nervously once and a tiny flush of embarrassment colored his face. 

Sam took all of this in, every minute change confirming what Jack had suspected. “Son of a bitch… It is true, isn’t it? You and Cas….”

Dean’s eyes squinted tighter and his mouth drew up in a line. He seemed to build himself up. He took a deep breath and his back straightened in defiance. “And if we are?”

Sam leaned back, momentarily taken aback at Dean’s short statement of affirmation. “And nothing…if that’s what you want…”

“Who…Who I want…” Dean said with still narrowed eyes, studying Sam’s face for a reaction. 

Sam shifted uncomfortably. This was far out of their comfort zone. “Who…If Cas is who you want, I support you like I always have. I’m just a little surprised is all…”

“I’m not asking for your support or your understanding, Sammy. You want to give it, that’s great, but you don’t have to understand. This has been building for a long time but both of us were damn cowards about it, and that’s done.”

Sam actually smiled, his face relaxing at Dean’s statement. “I guess I just never noticed it. You two always did bicker like a married couple…” Dean rolled his eyes at Sam’s joke but smiled too. 

“Look, Sam, I get why you’re concerned. It is really open-ended when Cas can come back, but it’s what I’ve got to hold onto right now, and I’m going to take it. Yeah, it might disappoint me in the end. I’m not stupid, but it’s what I’ve got, and I’m willing to take that risk.” The room was silent a moment while Sam truly absorbed Dean’s words. 

“Fair enough, Dean. Until then, what do we do?”

Dean let a small smile flicker across his face. “We hunt, and try not to get ourselves killed.”

“Oh, so business as usual?” Sam said with a smile and just like that, the tension was gone between them.


	8. Stray thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel informs Naomi about Chuck's plans and the training begins

Castiel paced nervously in the stark white hall in front of Naomi’s door. Chuck was away doing whatever he did to create new Angels. Cas did not pretend to understand the process, nor did he really want to try to. Chuck had suggested Castiel talk to Naomi about the new Angels prior to his return, but he wasn’t particularly keen to confront her with this new information. In theory, she should be relieved that help was on the way, but he had an inkling this was not going to be as well received as it should be. 

“Castiel, you wanted to see me?” Naomi said coolly as she opened the door to her office. Her eyes were alight with curiosity and wariness as her hand rested on the inside doorknob.

“Yes, thank you…” he said calmly. His eyes flitted around the room, nervous. He didn’t trust her before but since the ambush of the tracking sigil, he was more paranoid than previously. No other Angels were in the room, but he knew that could change quickly. He walked quickly past her reach as he entered the office. “I have news that should be of interest to you.”

“Oh?” Naomi gestured at a seat in front of her desk as she walked behind it, but he shook his head briefly, standing behind the chair instead. She rolled her eyes irritably but remained silent as she took a seat herself. 

“Well, to make a long story short, God is in the process of making new Angels…” Castiel spit it out with as little pomp and circumstance as he could. He withheld the point that Chuck had been getting his input on their design. He knew with absolute certainty that information would be make with a great amount of hostility. 

“Excuse me?” Naomi’s eyes widened and she cocked her head to the side in confusion. “God is doing what? Where?”

“God has been in the design process for new Angels since he saw the dilemma Heaven was facing. He is away creating more Angels and should return with them in…well, I’m not sure how long it takes…” 

“Why wasn’t I told?” Naomi said with disbelief in her tone. Her eyebrows drew together with suspicion and her eyes narrowed. 

“He wanted to keep it very low key. He’s apparently very uncomfortable with the whole worship thing,” Castiel grumbled as he made air quotes, silently cursing Chuck making him do this. Delivering this news alone was reckless. 

“But yet he told you….” Naomi said with her teeth gritted in a grimace of a smile. Castiel could feel the danger in her tone. 

He swallowed softly, taking a cautious step away from her desk. “I stumbled upon him by accident. We have a little bit of a history…”

“Yes, you serving as a vessel for Lucifer to kill his sister would be considered having a bit of history,” Naomi said with disgust in her tone. 

Castiel had slowly walked backwards toward the exit, keeping a steady eye on Naomi as he did so. “Yes, well, be that as it may. He wanted me to give the information that relief was on the way.”

“Well…” Naomi said as she stood and leaned her palms on the desk. “That is truly blessed news. I will give that news to the other Angels. Thank you, Castiel. Please keep me apprised as God keeps you informed.” Her words were icy daggers at the end, sending a chill of warning up his spine. He nodded and exited the office as quickly as he could without running. He never would underestimate her again.   
\-----------------------------  
As Dean and Sam walked away from the home of the victim’s mother, Dean shook his head. He loosened the dark maroon tie and shucked off the black dress jacket, chucking it in the back seat with little care. The dress clothes were a necessity of playing FBI but it didn’t mean he had to like it. His gut tightened minutely as he loosened his tie. He couldn’t be blamed for associating ties with Cas. If he had the opportunity to loosen that dark blue tie, pull him toward him and…nope. Nope. Now was not the time to entertain that thought. 

Sam, luckily, had no idea of his brother’s train of thought. “That’s the fifth case like this in two months. Demonic activity is definitely increasing,” Sam said matter-of-factly as he slid into the passenger seat of the Impala, whipping out his phone and taking notes as the leather seat creaked under him. 

“Well, with no Angels around, topside is easy pickings for them,” Dean shrugged as he untucked his dress shirt and buckled his seat belt. He cranked the car, letting the comforting purr of the engine wash over him. 

Sam cut his eyes at his brother, reading more into his words. “I’m sure Cas is okay, Dean.”

Dean sighed loudly as he fiddled with the knobs of the radio. “Yeah, yeah. Jack said Angel Radio is pretty quiet, but not static…So Yeah, Cas must be okay.”

Sam sat a moment, thinking to himself before bringing up something he knew Dean would not want to discuss. “So, Jack can still hear Angel Radio…do you think his powers are coming back a little or he’s using the soul magic to...”

Dean cut him off abruptly with a shake of his head. “No. No way. He knows how dangerous it is. He promised Cas. Maybe it’s a residual thing? He’s got a little bit of Grace left.” Dean ran his hand through his hair tiredly. “Man, I know our life isn’t normal, but can we just catch a break? I just want Cas, Mom, and Jack safe. Us safe. I feel like if we all were able to be in the same place at the same time for too long or we were happy for too long the world might explode. Nice payback for saving the world, Chuck…” Dean growled. 

Sam couldn’t disagree so he stayed silent. He wouldn’t be opposed to just the tiniest bit of normalcy himself. He sighed and typed in the next interviewee's address in the GPS. "Take a left up here. Then we turn onto the highway."  
\---------------------------------------

Chuck stood in front of the door of the newly designated training area. The remaining original Angels stood around him in a semi-circle, most looking nervous. A few's faces were what Castiel would have described as having disguised hostility...but he was very much biased against them. He stood directly off to Chuck's side and cut his eyes at the crowd around him. Chuck knew what they had done to Cas, but he’d convinced Castiel they needed their help to train the new ones. Chuck couldn’t be in one place all the time and he reminded Castiel that he knew he’d rather be on Earth, so they didn’t need to be fully reliant on him.   
“Thank you all for coming. Inside is the first group of new Angels I have created. You will find they are a bit different than what you are used to. I am not here to argue about their design. I have thought long and hard about it. If there is something I don’t like I might alter it in the next grouping. They are young, like small children more than anything else. I expect you all to be patient with them. They are not here to be poked and prodded. Their design is MY design and I expect that to respected.” Chuck became firm at the end, raising his eyebrow at Naomi, who had the decency to lower her eyes and swallow nervously.   
“Now then, let’s meet the Angels of the New Choir…,” Chuck said with pride in his tone as he opened the door and a hundred sets of eager new eyes met theirs.   
\----------------------  
“Again!” Castiel barked out at the formational lines of Angels. They each had an Angel blade in their hand and were practicing blocking techniques. He’d had to temporarily retire his trench coat. The Angels needed to be able to see how he moved his body with each movement he taught them. The older Angels may have seen the coat as a joke, but they didn’t know it’s usefulness. Not only did it hold sentimental value to him, but it camouflaged his movements, which kept the enemy off balance and unable to predict his next move. It also made it much easier to conceal his Angel Blades…but for now it sat folded neatly on the dais. He walked around, his dress shirt untucked for the same reasons. He felt vulnerable but really had no choice. Sam and Dean would have laughed at him teaching fighting techniques in dress pants and a tie, but he had a harder time imagining having the Angels dress in human sparring clothing. He’d seen Dean and Sam spar more times than he could count, and the sleeveless shirts and loose pants helped them move more quickly but were unnecessary for Angels…but Castiel couldn’t help but be distracted by the image. 

He tried to blink away the thought of Dean, post-practice, drenched in sweat. His shirt clinging to the dip in his back and his hard chest in sweaty patches. He knew Dean’s routine and he’d always be waiting in the hall to toss him a bottle of water, that Dean would press to his lips happily. Castiel had long envied that he’d never be allowed to touch him the way he craved. The way Angels weren’t supposed to crave anything. Now if only he could get out of here, he could touch him. He could…

Castiel drug himself back to the present, feeling eyes on him. He’d gotten distracted. The Angels had finished their exercise and stood waiting for their next instruction. He mentally shook himself to focus. 

“Okay, now let’s move on to offensive moves…” He said to take the attention away from him. An excited murmur ran through the eager young Angels and Castiel willed himself to focus on the task at hand. He wondered if Dean thought of him as often as he did him. Of course, Dean had his family and hunting to distract him. Castiel felt alone even though he was surrounded by a hundred others. He snatched up his Angel blade, ready to show them attack moves. The sooner he got them up to speed, the sooner he could go home and ask Dean for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the "filler" type chapter. It's more of a transition to the bigger part that's already been written. Next chapter next Sunday!


	9. Be Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and the others have another interesting hunt and begin to notice a disturbing trend, while Castiel finds a way to reach out.

“You’re sure it’s a demon?” Mary asked as they spoke outside the warehouse. The towering building with it's cracked and boarded up windows cast an eerie shadow over the group. 

“Demon or demons, but yeah…” Dean growled out as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, keeping watch over Sam and Jack as they rummaged through the trunk of the car. His eyes never stopped scanning the area as they spoke quietly. 

“You guys have been seeing the increase in demonic activity too, haven’t you?” Mary said as her face grew serious and her eyes darted nervously to the warehouse beside them again. Her hand mindlessly found the handle of her gun, tucked in her waistband. She'd been hunting with Bobby for a few weeks and the demons had been coming out in droves. One here. Three there. 

“Yeah, and so have the other hunters. We called up everyone we knew. It’s not just us.” Dean added as Sam passed him a handful of Devil’s Trap Bullets and he loaded his gun, barely needing to look at what he was doing. The muscle memory in his hands effortlessly clicked open the barrel to load them. 

Mary bit her lip softly, hesitating on her words. She knew this conversation would most likely not go well. “Dean, you know, we could use some expert advice…Maybe Castiel would know what the increase in demonic activity is about….” 

Dean’s shoulders tightened and his face hardened, his features shutting down. “Yeah, that would be helpful, but my prayers are getting radio silence. I haven’t heard from him since that day at the hotel. Six months and nothing. Jack says he can still hear Angel Radio once in a while so Heaven’s up and running…but nothing about Cas.” Dean shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant but Mary knew. She nodded for Dean to follow her a few steps away from the Impala. He followed, dragging his feet in the dusty ground. 

“Look, Dean, it’s not the place for this and it's probably none of my business but I'm your mother...I like Castiel...I truly do...but I don’t want to see you waste your life waiting on him. You don’t even know if he will ever come back. I just don’t think this is healthy for you. Waiting and hoping for something that may never happen...”

Dean let out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his short hair. “You're right. It's not your business and this isn’t the place for this, and even if he doesn’t come back, what do you want me to do? Sign up for Tinder? I’m a 40-year-old hunter that’s in love with an Angel. All my friends are dead and I live in an unground bunker with my brother and my sorta-not-son that’s half Angel. You see the line of people ready to sign up for that? Cause I sure don’t. So, yeah, I think I'll wait for Cas. He’s the only one I want anyway, so now that we’ve got that covered, can we go smite a demon or two?” Mary nodded, embarrassed and they went to load up on weapons. Sam raised an eyebrow as Dean stormed over but Mary shook her head.  
\----------------------

Dean, Sam, Jack, and Mary stood surrounding a demon that was tied to a metal chair. The fumes from the red spray paint still permeated the air from the devil's trap Sam had hastily drawn on the chipped concrete floor. Dean had pried a few boards off the broken, boarded up windows to let the light in. It fell in harsh streaks across their faces. It was too risky to bring a demon home with them so they'd have to do their interrogating here. There had been four demons but only one had survived the skirmish, and the survivor sat there staring up at them with black eyes. The demon’s male vessel was fair skinned with freckles and red hair. He might have looked friendly if not for the pitch black eyes and the knowing smirk he wore. 

“So, it’s true that Gingers don’t have souls huh?” Dean said with a smirk as he finished clicking the magical cuffs into place and stepping in front of the demon.

The demon smiled, eerily flashing bright white teeth. “I’m in good company then. All the demons know you and your brother have lost your souls before. Whoopsie….” The demon hissed out with amusement. “Slippery things, souls, aren’t they? Pretty overrated too. You, boy, yours is looking a little slippery too.” He spoke to Jack, his eyebrow quirking. Jack looked worriedly from Sam to Dean until Dean stepped in front of him, blocking the demon's view of him.

“You don’t talk to him, Opie. I’ve got questions. And to make sure you don’t try to split on us…” He growled out as he popped open a pocket knife, “I’m going to give you some free body art.” 

Sam grabbed Dean’s arm, unsure. “Dean, is it really necessary?”

Dean’s eyes were dark and troubled but he nodded. “It’s necessary. I got this. If ya’ll don’t want to watch you can go in the other room.”

Sam shook his head firmly and stood by him as Dean pulled open the Demon’s shirt and began to carve a binding sigil into his chest. The demon screamed out, but Dean’s face remained blank as he finished his task robotically. When he was done he stepped back, careful to not disturb the paint line of the devil’s trap. 

‘Now, no poofing out. We need answers and since your friends aren't feeling too chatty….” Dean gestured around him at the three bodies lined up on the other side of the room. “That leaves you. Now we can do this easy…” He said with grim determination as he let the knife glint in the light. “Or we can do it the hard way. You’re choice.”

“What, you’ll spare my life if I tell you everything I know? I know the song and dance," the demon said as he eyed the knife, still red with his own blood. 

Dean shook his head, a smile pulling one side of his mouth up. “No, this only ends one way. You dead, but you get to choose how easy or hard that is.” Dean shrugged calmly as he picked up a bag of rock salt. “Now if you know me, you know….I’m pretty good at this…” Dean growled out as he tossed the bag of salt from hand to hand. 

“So Alastair said….” The demon said, a small quake in his voice finally betraying his false confidence.

“Oh, you knew Alistair? Sam killed him, you know.” Dean said as he nodded at Sam. “And the Angels kicked his ass before that…”

“Angels, eh?” The demon got the first hint of a smile. “We aren’t scared of Angels anymore….haven’t you heard? They’re all dead. The last few can’t even leave Heaven to stop us. Your little pet Castiel doesn’t scare us anymore, either. He’s dead too we hear.” He spit the last out with as much venom in his voice as he could. The demon’s next words were drowned out when Dean quickly poured salt down his throat, stepping back as blood gurgled out of his mouth and he hacked it onto the floor. He coughed, laughing as he did. “Did I hit a nerve? It’s true, isn’t it? What Crowley said was true….You did bad things with an Angel, didn't you? Wow, who's the real monster here?” He smiled, his teeth stained red with his own blood. “At least I didn’t corrupt an Angel…not that I wouldn’t like a taste myself. What’s it like? Dragging one of those perfect little winged fuckers down into the muck with you?” Sam and Jack grabbed Dean by both arms and pulled him back, his Angel blade having all but materialized in his hand. 

“You’re a lying sack of shit,” Dean yelled out as he fought to break free of Sam and Jack’s grip. Mary stepped between them and put a hand on Dean’s chest.

“I can handle this Dean. You go cool off.” Dean began to argue but she nodded to Sam and they drug him out, him cursing the whole way. She turned to the demon then.

“Was it something I said?” The demon purred out as Mary stepped into the circle, a blade flashing in her hand. 

“You shouldn’t have done that. You may think I’ll go easy on you, but you don’t know me. Dean may have been trained in Hell…but I’m a fast learner." It was only moments later Sam and Jack had Dean at the Impala cooling off and they heard the demon let out a blood-curdling scream. 

Mary came walking out of the warehouse a few minutes later, blood splattering her canvas jacket. “We’ve got problems….”   
\------------------------  
Castiel paced the small room off the training room. He’d asked Chuck for a room he could go to when he wasn’t training. It was an odd request for an Angel typically, but he was far from typical and he just needed some time away from the other Angels. He’d gotten so used to being around humans that Angels had become….extremely daunting. He sat on his bed, his shoulders tight against the white dress shirt. He held his head in his hands as his eyes rolled back in his head. Another prayer from Dean. His heart ached with the need to see him, hear him. Dean was worried. This was not a new thing for him. Dean wore a brave face and he was more than strong but he had worries, worries that he only confided to him for many years now. This worry, however, was centered on his own wellbeing. Prayers weren’t always straightforward but Castiel could sense Dean was worried about...He thought he was dead?… He thought of how he would feel if he were in Dean’s place and he could fully understand his worry. What could he do though? He couldn’t leave. Not that he didn’t have the ability, but the Angels would follow him. He refused to lead them to Sam and Dean. If Chuck was here…..he’d still not approve. He needed him here. Jack…

“Angel Radio” as Dean had named it, wasn’t really secure but it was the only real option he had. He wasn’t really sure Jack would hear him, but he believed he had enough innate Grace that it was possible. It was worth a shot.

“Jack…It’s Castiel. I am alive and well, but I must be brief. I love you all. Keep each other safe…” Castiel focused his words to Jack, hoping they would find their way.   
\---------------------------  
They had just loaded up all the supplies as Mary stripped off her bloody jacket and tossed it into the trunk as well. Dean drove with Jack riding shotgun. Sam had endeavored to give up his spot once in a while for Mary and Jack. It seemed only fair. Sam and Mary sat in the backseat talking amongst themselves and Dean had his hand on the gear shift when Jack’s head went back, his eyes rolling back in his head. His body stiffened and Dean unbuckled his seatbelt. 

“Jack!” Dean roared as he grabbed him by the shoulders. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam said from the backseat, his hand finding his seat belt and flinging it off.

“I don’t know. Jack!” Dean gently shook him again, unsure of what to do, when Jack’s eyes slowly opened back up and a smile spread across his face. 

“What was that?” Dean demanded, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he sat back in his seat. “Scared the Hell out of me.”

“Castiel is alive. He just told me…” Jack said with a happy smile still plastered on his face.

Dean let his relief flood through him, his head hitting the headrest as his eyes closed for a moment. A small smile found it’s way home on him. “I knew he’d find a way to let me know…So, he can communicate with you?”

“He said he had to be brief. I think other Angels can hear this type of communication, or maybe other Angels were nearby,” Jack said as his smile faltered. 

“What else did he say?” Sam said from the backseat. 

“That he loved us all and to keep each other safe….” Jack added softly. He and Dean locked eyes and nodded. 

“Yeah, that’s definitely him,” Dean said with a small laugh before he rebuckled his seatbelt. “Damn demons.”

“And if what that one in there said was true, we’re going to be dealing with a lot more of them in the days to come…” Mary added in the back. She cared for Castiel but she knew the moment before was for the boys. 

“Well, we’ll be ready…” Dean said with a nod as he shifted into drive and the Impala kicked up dust and gravel as they drove away. He'd do what Cas asked. Keep them safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week will probably be a long chapter! I've had next week's written for some time. Thanks for reading!


	10. What is going on in Heaven?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The demons make their plans known and the Winchesters find out what Heaven has been up to

Dean awoke, his head pounding. He looked around slowly as his eyes focused again. It took only a moment for him to realize thing were bad. He quickly assessed and noted he was chained to one of four chairs. The chairs were set in a square and all facing inward. Dean made eye contact with his mom as she was coming to, and Sam and Jack weren’t far behind them. He quickly assessed their chains. They were tight and possibly warded. His hands had no wiggle room and the chains pressed supernaturally heavily against his ribs. His feet were bounded to the chair legs, same as the rest of his family. 

“What happened?” Dean spoke to Mary as she looked around. She too pushed against the bonds holding her down, though she too could tell it was useless.

Mary frowned, lines forming on her forehead as it creased in concern. “You don’t remember? They did hit you really hard…. We were at the bunker and the wardings failed somehow. Demons came in and took us all away. There were dozens of them. Why didn’t they just kill us?”

Dean looked around him once he was assured of the health of the others. They were on a stage in what appeared to be a large, dilapidated Coliseum. His nose was assaulted by the smell of old floor wax, mildew, and lingering sweat that had seeped into the very boards of the building. The roof was caving in and he could see sunbeams leaking through, making random patterns on the floor. The dust particles could be seen spiraling through the beams of light and the room was surrounded by wooden bleachers in different levels of decay. There were dozens, no…hundreds, of people milling about. They mingled in groups of five here, ten there. They all seemed relaxed with no sense of urgency or care about the four of them on the stage, except when he saw them steal glances at them occasionally. 

“Where are we?” Sam said as he shook his head softly. “I don’t remember a building like this anywhere near the bunker.”

Jack squinted into the dim surroundings. “They’re demons. The people. They’re all demons.”

Dean, Sam, and Mary looked to Jack. Dean spoke softly. “How do you know? That’d be a hell of a lot of demons….”

Jack looked to Dean, a grim look on his face. “I may not have much Grace left, but I can sense a demon. Especially this many.” 

“Why didn’t they just kill us?” Mary added again, pulling on her chains again, more urgency in her tone now. 

“Well, that wouldn’t be much fun now would it?” cooed a tall, broad shouldered female demon at the foot of the stage. She had blonde hair cut in a harsh bob at her chin and she gave a devilish grin. “You’ll be dead soon, though, so no worries there.” She jumped up on the stage, the black leather suit she was wearing creaking with her movements. Her voice boomed through the coliseum. “Ladies and Gentlemen, well you know what I mean, welcome! Today we crown the new King, or Queen, “she added with a wink, “of Hell. Too long we have dealt with weak, foolish, or absent leadership! Today we become a force to again reckon with!” A cheer rose through the crowd mixed with whistles and catcalls. “The winner will get the pleasure, the honor, of killing our most dreaded foes, The Winchesters!” Boos and hisses thundered around the room. It shook the building, making bits of ceiling rain down. “How many of our numbers have they killed? How many times did our own King help them, our enemies?!” The crowd was getting out of hand. Dean could swear he felt his bones vibrating from the jeers and stomping. He thought about praying to Cas, but what could one Angel do against hundreds of demons? He’d only die with them…and that was unacceptable. He tried to shut down and not reach out to Cas in an inadvertent prayer. 

The demon continued. “Today, we take back this world! Too long we’ve cowered in Hell from the winged cockroaches. But no more! The Angels are dead! Extinct!! Today we take back what is ours, and who will stop us?! NO ONE! No God! No Angels! This world is ours!” She shrieked and threw both hands in the air to thunderous applause. However, as the crowd appeared to die down, the thunderous noise didn’t. The dim, failing bulbs of the coliseum flickered and sparked, exploding into fine particles that rained down on the floor with the other ceiling debris. The roof shook, making more drywall and ceiling tiles fall in cascades. The four humans in the room ducked their heads to avoid it as best they could while still confined.Suddenly the demons seemed to sense the disturbance wasn’t from them. The room became deadly quiet for a moment as the demons all looked toward the sky. 

Sam whispered into the utter silence, “What’s happening?”

Dean had only seen something like this once before. He and Bobby…alone in that barn…He winced as a loud, whining noise screamed through the room. He couldn’t even cover his ears due to the restraints. “It’s….” Dean began as hundreds of bodies streamed into the coliseum through all entrances. He squinted, confused, as they were all humanoid bodies, but they appeared to be wearing armor. It glinted silver in the remaining sparking lights and sunbeams, and there were….wings…wings everywhere. Wings in every shade of cream, white, and gold he’d ever seen. His brain couldn’t even make sense of it.  
“ANGELS!” screamed the demons in a terrified chorus. Their shrieks combined with the voices of the Angels made Dean sure his ears were bleeding. He could even feel the warmth of the blood sliding down the side of his face. 

“GUARD THE EXITS! NO ONE LEAVES!” boomed a deep, gravelly voice amongst the Angels. Dean looked more closely. That voice….The armor covered their chests and shoulders, even going across the top ridge of their wings. They all wore helmets of the same material, making them all look the same except for their wing colors. He’d never seen Angel wings before other than in shadow form. How could he see them now….and how were there so many of them? Castiel had said there were less than twelve of them, but here there were hundreds. The demons streamed down from the bleachers, meeting the Angels in a noisy clash. Angel blades flashed in the hands of the Angels, but many of the Demons appeared to carry them as well. 

Dean’s attention was pulled away from the fray by two armored figures peeling off the from group and heading for them. One came up to him, but his ears rang too loud for him to hear. The figure appeared to get frustrated and ripped off her helmet before pressing her hand to his face. The ringing abruptly stopped, and Dean could focus on her face. She was dark skinned with long, wavy black hair. She looked decidedly annoyed. 

“Can you hear me now?” her voice broke through the noise to him. Her voice would have been pleasant if not for the bitter, biting tone in it. 

“Yeah, thanks…” Dean said as she began undoing his chains. “Who are you?”

“My orders are to free you, not socialize with you. I am Aberia of the New Choir and you are Dean Winchester.”

“Whose orders?” Dean croaked out as he stood, letting his chains clatter to the floor. He looked over and the other Angel was freeing the others. He enjoyed his first unobstructed breath since he’d regained consciousness. 

“The Commander ordered me to free and protect you and the others instead of engaging in combat….” She growled out, her eyes bright with the urge to join the others. 

“Aberia, get them to the side of the stage. This area is too wide open to defend,” yelled the other Angel as he removed Jack’s chains. Dean guessed he by the depth of his tone. The armor was distinctly gender neutral. Mary and Sam were both standing back to back, looking nervous. Aberia ushered them over to the side of the stage, spreading her wings wide to shield them from view. The other Angel came to stand beside her and did the same. 

“The commander will be angry you’ve removed your helmet…” spoke the other Angel loud enough for Dean to hear. He was peering around the cream and gold feathers, trying desperately to see the battle. 

“Angels shouldn’t have to wear armor, Debriel,” complained Aberia. 

Debriel seemed to quote from memory. “The commander said that Angel Blades can kill us….and he said that there are a lot of Angel Blades owned by hunters and Demons…”

The female sighed in visible frustration. “I know what he said, Debriel. You don’t have to quote him. It’s just hard to see, okay?”

Dean’s eyes tightened. These Angels didn’t talk like any Angels he’d ever heard before. They sounded like bickering kids. He pushed to the edge of Aberia, brushing past her outstretched wings. The battle was still in full force. Angels were smiting and slaying demons with impressive speed. He saw no Angels down for the count either. His eyes were continuously drawn to one Angel. He could see nothing of that one except their wings, but they were pitch black. They stood out harshly against the wings of cream and gold and they moved with amazing speed, even though demons were coming at them at all sides. Their Angel Blade in their right hand slashed out over and over again. Dean swore the battle would have been almost beautiful, like something from a painting, if not for all the screams of terror from the demons. It was a massacre by every definition of the word. The few demons who had Angel Blades were proving impotent against the armor the Angels wore, striking it and being deflected at every turn. His heart raced as we watched the black winged Angel grab two demons by their faces and slam them down, smiting them in moments before snatching up their blade again. The armor is smart, thought Dean. He’d seen too many Angels, Cas included, get shiskabobbed in the back by an Angel Blade. The armor solved that problem and made them a Hell of a lot scarier to look at. 

“The others are doing well,” murmured Debriel. 

“They’re having all the fun,” sulked Aberia and Dean almost felt sorry for her. She was pouting like a teenager not allowed to go out on Friday night. By this time, the two Angels were so enamored with watching the battle that Sam, Jack, and Mary had wormed their way up to join Dean in watching. 

“Do you think Cas is out there?” Sam said quietly into Dean’s ear, voicing the question Dean had been thinking since they had swarmed in. 

Aberia snorted and Dean could hear the eye roll in her tone. “Commander Castiel is at the center of the fray…. having all the fun….” She added with a pout as she gestured at the black winged figure. 

“He’s…. Cas is the commander?” Dean voiced aloud as everyone together took a greater interest in the black winged Angel who seemed to have a much larger portion of demons than anyone else. Dean had felt a familiarity in the way he moved….but to think that was Cas?

“Commander Castiel has been training us since we were born…. granted that has only been a few months,” Debriel added when Aberia remained silent.  
“And yet we get babysitting duty….” Aberia groaned. 

“Just because the Commander rejected you….” Debriel said with a grin in his voice. Sam stole a look at Dean, his mouth a tight line. Dean knew there was a reason he didn’t like her. 

“Oh, go to Hell, Debriel,” Aberia barked back. Debriel laughed and playfully brushed her with his wings. “Nah, but the Commander’s been I hear. Like to actual Hell and back!” he added with excitement in his tone. 

“Oh, those are just stories,” she said as she crossed her arms across her metal clad chest clumsily. 

Dean grinned. Oh, he was going to enjoy this. He cleared his throat importantly, drawing their attention to him. “Nah, it’s true. He gripped me tight and raised me from perdition.”

“That story can’t be true…that’d mean….” Aberia said with a frown as her wings shrunk to her side in a show of insecurity. Suddenly, silence fell across the Coliseum. 

“It is done. Double check that there are no survivors,” boomed the voice of Castiel. Dean’s eyes, and those of everyone on stage were immediately drawn to him. He stood in the middle of the group of Angels, blood splattered across the once gleaming armor. He removed his helmet and tucked it under his left arm. His hair was plastered to his forehead from the weight of the helmet, but his face was the same Dean had been missing. Castiel suddenly looked straight to the stage and locked eyes with him. He sheathed his Angel Blade and strode toward the stage with purpose. Dean gulped, watching his suddenly-very-intimidating form come toward him. The wings were massive, more than he could ever have imagined…he’d have to ask why he could see them now…

Aberia and Debriel stepped back to stand behind the group of humans they’d been tasked to protect, clearing the way for Castiel. Though the other Angels were checking bodies, Dean could see them all stealing glances at the stage and their commander. Dean felt his face grow hot but he stepped down the stairs at the edge of the stage and stepped to meet Cas. It had been a year since…well, a lot had happened obviously. He wouldn’t be presumptuous. They met at the base of the stairs, several unsure feet between them. 

“Cas…I….”

“Hello, Dean…” they began at the same time. Dean laughed nervously while Cas ran his hand through his hair. 

“I am sorry I couldn’t’ have stopped this before you were dragged here…It takes time to organize this many, and they are all so new…”

“Yeah…you got a lot to catch me up on…” Dean murmured as hundreds of eyes stared at him. 

Castiel tensed and cleared his throat and the Angels went back to checking bodies, murmuring softly amongst themselves. “They’re basically children. You’ll have to forgive their curiosity. It’s their first time around humans.”

“Cas…. you’re wings…” Dean said softly, his fingers outstretched. “How?”

Castiel leaned in and let Dean’s fingers stroke along the glossy black feathers. His eyes closed in contentment, like a cat. “They healed in Heaven.” 

‘They’re…amazing, but how can I see yours…and all of them?” 

“Oh,” Cas’ eyes snapped open. “That was my idea. Visible wings are a bit more threatening than metaphysical ones. We can make them invisible but for battle purposes, they make a good scare tactic. 

“Well, I’d say it worked. I…” Cas stepped forward then, dropping his helmet and putting his arms around Dean.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait another breath. I’ve missed you. It’s been so long…. I….If you’ve changed your mind…” Cas began, insecurity finally seeping in as he went to put a bit of distance between them. 

Dean smiled, flashing his teeth and leaning into his touch. “No, I thought you might have changed your mind. I hear Aberia has the hots for teacher…” He winked before laying a shy hand on the metal chest plate. 

“Dean, she’s like a child. A teenager at best and her attitude is worse than that of a teenager… There is no competition for my heart,” Castiel said as he leaned their foreheads together. Giggles began erupting from the Angels and Cas sighed. “I almost miss the hard ass Angels that hated me. I wasn’t cut out to teach….” He cleared his throat and snapped his wings to his side, but not before snatching Dean’s hand up in his own. The Angels began whispering and giggling amongst themselves. 

Castiel growled out, “Enough, all of you. Return to Heaven immediately. I will follow soon after.”

A group huff erupted from the disappointed Angels. Aberia spoke up, “But Naomi said….”

As Castiel turned toward the stage, his eyes tightened as he saw Aberia and Debriel standing there, unmoved. “You heard my orders….” Castiel said with a harsh tone. Dean noted that his wings seemed to fluff out in aggravation as he spoke. Debriel shifted uncomfortably in his armor, his face as yet unseen by Dean.

Aberia stood proudly and her wings shifted slightly. “We had orders to make sure you returned as well….” The humans in the room felt a tangible tingle across their skin as Cas’ face grew dark as he walked up the steps, releasing Dean’s hand at the base of them. 

“I made it very clear I would return. I have kept my end of the bargain. I do not need children such as yourselves policing me.” He said as he stepped into Aberia’s space. 

Debriel lowered his head and his wings tucked closer to his shoulders. “We apologize, Commander, but our orders were specific.” 

“I don’t apologize. G said you had to come back. He doesn’t want you to stay and play with the humans…” She let a hint of disdain slide into her tone as she said humans. Dean sucked in a breath as Cas moved like lightning, his angel blade flashing as he pointed the end at her throat. 

“Aberia, I believe I made it clear any hint of disdain, hatred, or intolerance of humanity would get you demoted from my choir.” When Cas said the word demoted, they saw the blade press just barely against her skin. 

The girl let out a ragged breath, her bravado fading. “You were very clear, Commander. I apologize for my insolence,” She stammered as she dropped to her knees and bowed her head. Cas holstered his blade and looked down at her. “I also made it clear you were not to remove your armor. Do you know how many Angels I have seen murdered by our own weapons?” Castiel said, his voice becoming calmer as he spoke. 

"Yes, sir. You made that clear, sir. I…I wanted to see the battle better and I was only guarding the humans….”

Castiel let a smile rise at the corner of his mouth. “Stand and look at the humans, Aberia.” She stood and looked toward them, a small spark of defiance in her eyes. “These humans could kill you before you knew what was happening. Do you believe me?”

Aberia minutely raised her chin and shook her head. Debriel sighed in exasperation behind her. Castiel rolled his eyes to the amusement of Sam, Mary, and Jack. Dean had been behind him and missed it. Cas then looked behind himself and nodded at Dean, who smiled. Dean slipped his own blade out and had it at Aberia’s throat before she could react. She ground her teeth and let out a breath. Debriel stepped forward but Castiel held a hand up and he stopped immediately. 

“These humans are better warriors than you may ever be, and they do it with no special powers or wings. Dean and Sam were both chosen by Heaven as hosts to Archangels. Jack is the child of an Archangel. Mary is one of the best hunters in the world through sheer training and willpower. I do not have time to list all the ways they could best you. Let that be enough. You would do well to show them some respect.” Castiel nodded to Dean and he lowered the blade and stepped to Cas’ side. 

Aberia whipped around and tucked her wings in, anger simmering controlled under the surface. Debriel stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s enough Aberia. You’re being insolent. Commander Castiel, what would have us tell G?”

Cas let his wings settle at his side, reflecting the end to the confrontation. “Tell him I do not plan on running away just yet. I wish to spend some time with my family and will return tomorrow morning. Naomi can babysit until I get back….” He growled out at the end as he raised an eyebrow. 

Aberia was about to speak but Debriel put his hand over her mouth, flashed a smile that could barely be seen due to the helmet, and they disappeared. Finally, the only Angel left was Castiel. 

A silence fell across the room and all eyes were on Castiel. He sighed, let his wings relax, the tips of them resting on the floor. He ran his hand through his hair and growled out. “I didn’t think I’d signed up to be babysitter. I just want to watch Netflix in the bunker.” That unexpected statement made Sam and Dean laugh. 

Jack came up tentatively and Cas wrapped him in a hug. “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, Jack. I never wanted this….” Cas said soothingly before Jack released him from the hug. “Let me take you all home. You are quite a way form the bunker. My way Is much faster….”

“Oh shit, Cas. You know I don’t do your travel well,” Dean groaned, and he looked green just at the thought. 

Sam laughed. “Come on, Dean. I thought you were tougher than that.”

Dean glowered. “Fine. Whatever. If I puke, I’ll make sure to aim your way.” He walked toward Cas, as did Sam and Jack. Mary furrowed her brow but followed suit. Cas’ wings spread majestically and before they knew it, they were home. Dean staggered away as soon as they were back, and he grabbed the edge of the war room table. “I do not miss that. Not at all.” 

“I don’t feel so good,” Mary said, her face pale as well. 

“One moment…. I’ll be right back,” Castiel said as he popped away before anyone could respond. 

“I’m so confused right now…” murmured Sam as he sank into a chair. “New Angels, G, Commander Castiel, I mean, what Is happening up there?” Jack, Dean, and Mary followed suit and sat around the table. 

Dean put in his two cents. “Let’s see…. One. Cas is a damn badass now. I mean, he always kinda was, but now… the wings, the armor. Someone’s making changes in Heaven, and all those Angels were new Angels. Who is the only one who could make Angels?”

“God….” Mary murmured before cradling her head in her heads. “This is all way above my paygrade. How do you boys deal with this all the time?”

“Alcohol. We need alcohol,” murmured Dean as he headed to the kitchen. He could hear the others milling about in conversation as he grabbed glasses and a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. He felt a rush of air and turned toward the door thinking someone had come to help when he was brought up short by Castiel mere inches from him. He dropped the glasses, but Cas caught them before they could hit the floor and placed them gently on the counter behind Dean. His wings were no longer visible, and Dean couldn’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment. 

“Sonofabitch, Cas…” Dean grabbed at his chest in a mock heart attack. “I’m definitely going to put a bell on you now that you have your wings back…”  
Cas tilted his head in confusion for a moment but smiled and shook his head in amusement. “I sensed you were away from your family. I wanted a moment alone if you wouldn’t mind….”

Dean grinned and slid the whiskey bottle back on the counter. “Moments are all you and I seem to get. Might as well steal them while we can.”

Castiel smiled but suddenly grimaced and rotated his shoulder uncomfortably. “First of all, can you help me with this armor. It was my idea, and it will save Angel lives, but it’s not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn.” 

“Of course, where do I…” Dean began looking it over for a catch or clasp. 

Cas turned his back to Dean and tapped his shoulder. “There are clasps on the shoulder seams.” Dean made swift work of them and removed the back plate while Cas removed the chest plate. Dean laid it down on the counter and Cas went to lay his chest piece beside it and Dean saw a flash of blue. When Castiel faced him again, he couldn’t contain his smile. Hidden beneath the majestic Angel armor, Cas was wearing a now terribly wrinkled dress shirt and his blue tie. 

Dean tugged on the tie, and Castiel took the moment to step closer. “You, Commander Castiel, wearing a dress shirt and tie under your armor. Only you, Cas.” His easy grin turned a tiny bit unsure as Cas stepped more into his space, making his lower back press into the counter behind him. Cas, who was normally a bit standoffish, felt almost predatory, in all the right ways. Dean’s eyes tightened and he lifted an eyebrow. “You enjoyed that out there today didn’t you?” 

“While I mourn the loss of the humans whose bodies had been taken over, I acknowledge they had been possessed for far too long to be saved. I never enjoy taking a human life, but once again being in battle, stretching my wings, and being of true use….yes, yes I did…” Castiel pressed himself to Dean’s front, pinning him between himself and the counter. “But I am certain there are other things that could bring me almost as much enjoyment.”

Dean grinned and felt his face redden. “Almost as much” You sweet talker you…” he wrapped the tie around his fist and pulled Castiel in for a kiss. It was soft and hesitant at first, their lips trying to remember their last stolen moment. Cas rutted up against Dean, his hands sliding up his back, and Dean groaned. “You really do like a good battle, don’t you? Duly noted…” He nipped at Castiel’s neck, which made the Angel dig his nails into the small of Dean’s back and the kiss became one of desperation and urgency. Cas’ hand slid up to cup the base of Dean’s head, his fingers sliding through his hair. 

“Dean! Drinks!” Sam yelled from down the hall. 

“Sammy, the ever-present cock blocker,” Dean growled out as he gently pulled away. Castiel blinked like he’d been in a daze and Dean smiled proudly. “Dude, you are not at all presentable.” He looked him up and down and his clothes were a jumbled mass of wrinkles and his hair was a disheveled mess. 

“Oh, I can fix that.” He blinked and before Dean’s eyes he was suddenly wrinkle free and his hair was back to its familiar coif. 

“Show off….I mean, it’s no trench coat…but it’ll do.” Dean grabbed up the glasses while Castiel insisted on grabbing the whiskey and they made their way back to the War Room. 

“I mean, did you see…” Sam was leaned over speaking with Mary when Dean and Castiel entered. Dean cleared his throat and Sam startled slightly. “Crap. I can’t get used to you being able to do that again, Cas.”

“Speaking of which…”Dean led in as he slid glasses to everyone. He hesitated at Jack, shrugged and slid him one as well. “You’ve earned it kid.” He sat down, kicked the chair out beside him, nodded to Cas, and poured himself whiskey before sliding the bottle to his mom. Castiel sat down in the offered chair and leaned his elbows on the table, leaning like he had not been able to relax in a long time. 

“Alright, we’ve got questions,” Dean said as he angled his chair to be able to look at Cas. 

“I figured as much,” Castiel replied before looking around briefly and smiling. “It feels very nice to be back for a bit.”

“Cas, How are your wings working? I thought…when Metatron…:” Sam hesitated, not wanting to be tactless. 

“That is one of the easier questions I can answer. I never fell, not in the same way the rest of the Angels did when Metatron’s spell was enacted. I was essentially human when the Angels fell, so I had no wings to be destroyed. When I received my Grace back, my wings were restored, but damaged beyond use due to Metatron’s mistreatment of my grace for his spell, and the fact that there was so little of it remaining.”

“Okay, I follow so far…,” Sam said, his curiosity making him hang on Cas’ words. 

“Well, as you have all since figured out, Angels are essentially batteries. We are waves of celestial intent. Heaven needs us to function, but it, in turn, strengthens us the more time we spend there.”

“So, you’re a battery left to sit on a charging station…” Sam added with a smile. 

Castiel nodded and smiled softly in return. “Exactly so, Sam. Except that not only does it refuel us, but it can also heal us. My wings began to heal after only a few weeks there.”

“So, is that how you booped down when I had that trouble with the Croccata?” Dean asked. 

Castiel shifted nervously, a very human gesture he’d picked up in his time on Earth. “Well, no. That was God…Chuck…G… Whatever he wants to be called,” Cas added with a dismissive gesture. “He knew you were in trouble, so he sent me down to assist.”

“Excuse me, what? Why didn’t you tell me Chuck was back?” Dean’s face was hard. 

Castiel shrugged but dipped his head. “He told me I couldn’t.”

“Since when do you care what Heaven asks you not to do?” Dean growled out and leaned away from Cas. Castiel notably frowned, as noted by Mary, Sam, and Jack. 

“If God is in Heaven, is there still a crisis in Heaven?” Mary added, wanting to deflect away from Dean’s mood change. 

“Yes and No. Chuck is not permanently staying. He and I have designed and built new Angels to replenish our species, but they are young and foolish and need guidance.”

“Which is why you are still there…” Jack added quietly. “You are very good at that, Castiel.”

Castiel smiled fondly at his protégé. “Could be better, but I’m trying. More than the other Angels. They just can’t see eye to eye. The new Angels have something the older Angels don’t.”

“Wings?” Dean added with a sarcastic eye roll. 

“Well, yes that but no, not just that. They have been given autonomy and a touch of free will. It’s still in the experimental phase and some may not make the final cut….”

“Such as your girlfriend Aberia…” Dean said with a raised eyebrow. 

Castiel huffed out a sigh and looked straight to Dean. “I believe I made it very clear, she is a mere child in the grand scheme of my life. I have no control over how she feels about me. That is what free will can do, but I promise you those feelings are not returned. She doesn’t even understand how to regulate her feelings and emotions as the original Angels did, because we didn’t have those. Don’t you remember how I was?”

“Robotic, cold, but not as bad as the others….” Sam added. 

“And when I discovered how to be more….human?” Castiel added softly. 

“The Angels hated it, you, us…” Sam added, beginning to understand. 

“Still do, I’m afraid. So having Angels that don’t have or understand emotions and Angels who have them but do not understand them….It makes things complicated. I’m the mediator between the old and the new.”

Mary had her clasped together but she rubbed her knuckles nervously. “And you’re training them to fight? Does that seem like a good idea considering the past?”

Castiel’s face reflected his torn feelings on the subject. “I can’t leave Heaven helpless. I was the last warrior Heaven had. The remaining original Angels are bureaucrats, paper pushers. Heaven cannot be left defenseless when I return.”

“They’re letting you return?” Jack added before anyone else could. His eyes were eager but cautious. 

Castiel let out a sigh. “Eventually. These Angels are not ready to be cut loose, especially considering their main influence when I leave will be Naomi. I must make my impression upon them before that time comes. The last thing we need is hundreds of Angels like her running around.”

“I’ve never met this Naomi. Is she…” Mary added after silence had fallen across the room. 

“A raging bitch? Yup,” Dean added as he took a swig of his whiskey. 

Castiel nodded his head at Dean, acknowledging he wasn’t wrong. “Mary, she has done many terrible things in the name of protecting Heaven but by far her biggest sin in my eyes was her stealing my memories and turning me against Sam and Dean…. She had me practice murdering Dean thousands upon thousands of times. She is a dangerous, manipulative, bitch as Dean has so eloquently described her.”

“Then why would Chuck let her have anything to do with the new angels?” Sam added. 

Castiel shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Angels our age are in short supply. We have knowledge they will never have that needs to be passed down. Biblical knowledge that we have lived through. Naomi included.”

“So what else did you include with the new Angels circuitry changes?” Dean said as he looked at Cas over the rim of his glass.

“We took much time to make notes, plans, and sketches. Chuck wanted to use me as an example, but there were things he did not want them to have that are a part of me….All of these Angels though, they were each created using some of my own power combined with Chuck’s. He wanted them to be born with some pre-existing understanding of Humanity, respect for life, the capacity for love and friendship…”

“Wait, doesn’t that kind of make them all your children?” Dean said with a glance at Jack, who was looking a bit lost at the statement. 

Castiel shook his head forcefully. “No, it’s nothing like that. Nothing like my connection with you either, Jack. I am not their creator. Much more their teacher. I feel the same for them as I used to feel for my flock. There is a comfort to being around those of my own kind…. but nothing like being home, with you.” He looked to the Winchesters as a whole. 

“When do you have to go back?” Jack added quietly. 

Castiel sighed and rubbed his temple, holding up a finger in a gesture for quiet. His forehead twitched and his eyes closed in concentration. A moment later his eyes opened, and they weren’t happy. “I have until tomorrow then I am under orders to return.” His jaw was tight in unspoken frustration. 

“Why, Cas? Heaven has enough Angels to run it…Chuck’s there…. Can’t he train them? What would happen if you just didn’t go back?” Dean leaned forward in his chair, intent. 

“Chuck may be all-powerful, but he is not a warrior. He is a creator. Also, if I chose not to return, they would send the Angels to retrieve me. I will not bring danger like that down on you.”

“Cas…from what we saw today I think you could take them,” Sam said with a smile. 

Castiel smiled proudly at the compliment but shook his head in dismissal. “I would not wish to test that theory, Sam. I’ve killed enough Angels for a thousand lifetimes. The time will come when I am released from my responsibility, but today is not that day.”

Dean’s jaw tightened as he held back words he wanted to say. He twirled his whiskey glass in front of him. “Well…. what do you want to do with the time you have? How about some lowly human stuff you’ve missed?”

Cas’ eyes lit up with excitement. “Food and television with my family,” He said with little hesitation. 

“What would you like, Cas? I can go pick something up,” Mary volunteered. 

“Pizza…No, cheeseburgers…No…” Castiel’s memory flitted from food to food, making even Dean’s angry face wilt away. 

“Both. Get him both, mom. Pepperoni and mushrooms on the pizza. Cheeseburgers with everything except lettuce,” Dean quoted from memory as his mouth turned up in a small smile. 

“Okay, I’m on it. Anyone want to ride with?” Mary looked around at the others and Sam stood. 

“I’ll come with you, mom. Don’t disappear while I’m gone, Cas. It’s good to have you back for a bit.” Sam grabbed Cas’ shoulder in a friendly gesture before heading out with Mary. 

Jack took that moment to come and sit closer to Cas. He all but threw himself into the empty chair nearest him. “Castiel, did you see my mother while you were there? Is she okay?”

Cas’ eyes held a proud warmth in them for Jack as he nodded. “I did go see her once. She had returned to her childhood memories so she is not having to relive the fear from the fight with the Empty. She did not see me. For a while, I had much time to myself so I checked in on those I could.”

“Bobby…” Dean said without question.

“Bobby and I have had many nice conversations. He is still aware that he is in Heaven so it is not disruptive to him. He did pull a gun on me the first visit, and of course asked about you and Sam.”

Dean pursed his lips and nodded. “Sounds about right.”

Castiel looked between them, his eyes shining with feeling. “Jack…Dean…I am so sorry….I feel like I abandoned you all. Sam too. Jack, I hope you can understand why I had to leave so suddenly. It wasn’t by choice.”

“Dean explained it. I understand that you did it to keep my mother and the others safe. It is a necessary sacrifice but I…we…are ready for you to come home. Dean, Sam, and Mary have been continuing to train me to fight, and I haven’t been using any more of my powers. I promise. “

Castiel’s fatherly smile made Jack beam with pride. “That’s good, Jack. You must continue to do as they say and protect the sanctity of your soul. It is too important. You must not burn it out.”

Jack nodded solemnly. “Sam talked to me about what it was like…to be soulless. I think I understand now why you were so upset with me.”

Castiel pressed a hand to Jack’s shoulder and his eyes were alight with happiness. “I’m sorry I’ve made this evening all about me. Has there been any exciting news here?” He looked between Dean and Jack, true curiosity painting his face. 

“Well, Mary and Other Bobby are an official thing…. It’s still a little weird but she’s happy, so that’s good to see.” Dean said with an uncomfortable shrug. She’d tried to hide it for a while but Dean was far from dumb and he’d finally had her come clean about it, and then gave his blessing. 

Castiel looked in Dean’s eyes, knowing more than Dean said. “That’s unsurprising considering how often they were hunting together before I left. I’m glad your mother has found happiness in this life again.”

“I got a driver’s license!” Jack added with excitement as the thought struck him, reaching into his wallet and fishing it out. “Well, Sam had to fabricate the documents so I could get it, but I took the test myself and passed. It has my picture and everything!” Jack beamed as he handed the card to Cas. 

Castiel broke into a proud smile, flashing his teeth. “Very good, Jack! I’m so proud! I wish I could have been here to see that…” Dean could hear the regret in his tone. 

“We’re fixing up one of the cars in the garage for him. He wanted to drive Baby,” Dean said as he leaned on Cas’ shoulder to get a look at the license. Cas could smell the whiskey on his breath and it brought him back to their first kiss in the woods. His eyes met Deans, and his were similar to his own. They both knew this might be the only time they had together for who knew how long…months…years…

“Cas, we need to talk tonight,” Dean murmured into Cas’ ear as Jack was distracted tucking his license away. Castiel nodded in agreement, his throat tightening. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye again. He’d never be ready to say goodbye again. Staying here tonight was only going to make leaving a thousand times harder. He even considered going now…. It wasn’t as if any of them could stop him…but he’d be selfish now and hurt himself through his own choices. Chuck had made It clear it wasn’t a good idea, and he’d said as much. Chuck knew about love, and he knew about sacrifice. He knew Cas was in love with Dean, but he also couldn’t get him a timeline of when he could come home. Castiel knew he had to finish what he’d started in Heaven, but time in Heaven was of little concern. Angels could live forever, hypothetically, so a year or two to them was nothing. It was everything to Cas. Dean had turned 40 this year and he’d missed it. Forty wasn’t old, but it’s wasn’t young. He’d met Dean when he was almost ten years younger and they’d let these ten years go by so frighteningly fast. He knew a human life span usually maxxed out at 80-90-100 years. Hunters rarely saw those numbers. He’d already lost a year with Dean while he served Heaven. How much more time would he lose? How much more was he willing to lose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any issues I missed in the text. My laptop is dying and is running EXTREMELY slowly! Next week Dean and Cas get some alone time...
> 
> 3/17/19 Due to computer issues, new chapter will be up Monday or Tuesday. Sorry for the inconvenience guys.


	11. Home Again...For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel enjoys being home for the limited time he has and he reveals his future plans to Dean
> 
> Some Sexual Content Ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the rushed content. I have been trying to write and edit but my computer has been difficult. I promise I will make it up with a more detailed scene later. If I wasn't clear above, there is smut below. 
> 
> Next Chapter Sunday or Monday

Mary and Sam had come back with sacks of cheeseburgers and fries and several pizzas. They sat around the kitchen table laughing, passing food, and telling stories. They were catching Castiel up on all the missed hunts and events of the past year. Cas forced a smile, his heart aching with the details of the things he’d missed. Dean sensed early on how much this was upsetting Cas. He clasped his hand under the table and felt the reassuring squeeze of thanks returned from the Angel. His smile never faltered but Dean could see the pain and regret in his eyes. 

Sam was currently grabbing another piece of pizza, his hand sliding the now mostly empty box closer to himself. “You shoulda seen it, Cas. Dean was covered head to toe in this nasty green gloop from the egg sack. I warned him stabbing it was a bad idea.”

Dean smiled and rolled his eyes as he took another hefty bite of the cheeseburger in front of him, his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. “It stunk up the Impala for a week.”

“Told ya so,” Sam mumbled through a fresh bite of pizza, his smile genuine and wide. 

“You did. You did,” Dean said with a laugh. He’d tried to hide how he'd been struggling over the year. They’d drug him out hunting and he’d done his best to carry on, but he’d been pretty careless he could admit now. He was lucky to be alive and he considered himself doubly lucky to have Cas here tonight. He was feeling like a sentimental sap. He squeezed Cas’ hand under the table again and Cas looked to him with a cocked head, confusion in his eyes. Dean shook his head minutely. 

They moved the party to the living room, everyone piling in chairs to watch Netflix, at Cas’ request. It was one of the human things he had expressed he missed the most. Without any discussion or debate, Dean and Castiel sat together on the couch with Jack on Cas’ other side. Sam had settled into one of the large armchairs. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t miss his friend but he knew he’d been bested in his heart, and he was very okay with that. Sam shot a smile to his mom, unseen by Dean. Mary smiled back as she looked at the cozy, family-like set up on the couch. Her fear for Dean’s future disappointment was there still but at this moment, it didn’t matter. She still didn't truly comprehend the relationship Dean and Castiel had but perhaps it just wasn't her place to try to make sense of it. As long as Dean was happy...

Jack didn’t say much but it was obvious to everyone that he’d done the best he could with Castiel gone, but he still was greatly comforted by his presence in a world he still did not have a full grasp on. Losing his Grace had been so difficult, and Cas had been through the same thing. He’d been counting on Cas to lead him through, but with him gone, Sam and Dean had done the best they could. Everyone had simply done the best they could, Castiel included. 

“Are you getting enough sleep, Jack? I know it’s difficult to get into a sleep pattern after your grace is lost,” Cas said as he looked over at Jack’s tired eyes. HIs face was full of understanding and concern. 

Jack rubbed at them defiantly, blinking to clear the heaviness. “Yes. Sam helps me stay on a schedule. I’m usually asleep by now but you’re here and….”

“I understand. I am very glad to see you too, all of you. This has been a wonderful evening. I….I wish I did not have to go back.” Castiel looked around him and he reveled in the familiarity, the family. He couldn’t express how it felt to be able to put his metaphorical and physical armor down and just be himself. 

“Then don’t,” Jack said firmly before Dean could. They were staring at him with the same thought. “Doesn’t the Enochian tattoo you have keep the Angels from finding you?”

Castiel’s mouth tightened in a sad smile. He shook his head, speaking to Jack but knowing Dean needed to hear this as well. “I’m sorry, Jack. That was removed by Naomi when I agreed to return, and I had to agree to be warded with a tracking sigil. I truly have no choice without bringing the wrath of Heaven down on you all, and I won’t do that.”

Jack began to argue but Cas’ interrupted. “I said, NO, Jack!” Jack’s eyes widened and his forehead creased as he leaned away from Cas reflexively. 

Castiel closed his eyes and his face softened. “I’m sorry, Jack. I just….I don’t want to go but I have to. Please, don’t make it harder than it already is.” The atmosphere in the room was dimmed by the realization and they did not bring it up again, much to Cas’ relief. 

It was very late when Mary finally begged off to head to bed. She gave Castiel a short hug before heading to her room. Sam looked over at Jack, who had fallen asleep on the couch, his head lolled to the side and leaned against Cas. Castiel was looking at him with fondness visible in his eyes as Sam nudged him awake. He and Cas both got him up, each holding an arm to get him steady on his feet. 

“Don’t leave without saying goodbye, Castiel,” Jack murmured as he groggily hugged him. 

“I promise I won’t,” Cas said as Jack headed down the hall. Sam had grabbed a hug as well before helping get Jack, half asleep, down the hall. 

That left Castiel and Dean alone in the quiet living room. Dean was tired but there was no way he was going to miss out on what little time they had left till who knew when. 

Castiel interrupted the silence, hesitant to bring it up. “You said we needed to talk?” He’d heard the phrase used in a myriad of relationship movies in his binge-watching days. It had never led to anything good from what he’d seen. 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but not here. Come on,” He rose and stretched his back from sitting so long. He nodded his head toward the hall and Castiel followed, heading toward Dean’s room. Dean pushed his door open but Cas hesitated at the entrance. He looked around, noting every little difference from his last time here. He tried to memorize every detail, from the hastily made bed to the dangerously high stack of tapes and cds. Sam had encouraged Dean to buy his songs as MP3s on his phone, but Dean had rolled his eyes. He was an old soul, and he liked old things…Castiel smiled to himself as he lumped himself into old things Dean seemed to like. He leaned against the door frame, watching Dean. It really was his favorite pastime. 

Dean had not expected company in his room tonight, so he was only mildly embarrassed at the state of it. He was normally pretty tidy, not Sam tidy, but nearly so. He threw his dirty clothes from yesterday in the hamper by the desk and ran his hand over the quickly made bed. He looked to the door and Castiel was watching him with a smile on his face. 

“See something you like?” Dean said with a smug smile, mustering up confidence he didn’t feel. That was a game he was good at playing. 

“Actually, yes,” Castiel said as he stepped into the room. Dean gestured for him to close the door and he complied. 

Dean sat down on the bed, his foot bouncing up and down with nervous energy. “Sorry, no extra chairs in here. Let’s talk.”

Castiel again complied, his weight on the mattress lending Dean’s body to press against his own. Cas closed his eyes a moment and let out a shaky breath. He had better control than this, and he had no idea what this talk would be. He could not be presumptuous. He had just missed the sound, the sight, the smell of Dean so much…and he was alone in his bedroom. He’d been here many times, but never when they had both admitted their feelings. This was entirely new territory. 

He may be a Warrior of God but he was very new at this. “Anything you wish, Dean.”

Dean took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and choosing his words carefully. “Look, I haven’t seen you in six months. A lot’s happened and…” He shuffled nervously, trying to find the right words.

Castiel’s heart ached and the doubt he’d felt as every day passed felt validated. Of course, Dean would have changed his mind and moved on. Why would he wait for him when he had such little time in his human life? He had to relieve him of the burden of guilt. “Dean, if your feelings have changed I could not blame you. I do not expect your life to be put on hold and it was unfair of me to expect you to. I should never have put that on you. Telling you my feelings was a spur of the moment decision to help me keep my sanity in Heaven and it was selfish and…” Castiel’s words were cut off by Dean grabbing his face with both hands and pressing their lips together. The suddenness of it left Cas speechless as Dean pulled away. 

“Could you shut up for two seconds? I’m not fucking breaking up with you. We aren’t even an official thing and you think I’m breaking up with you? What happened to that ironclad, assertive commander from earlier today?” Dean studied his eyes and Cas’ eyes renewed their warmth, his fear dissipating.

Castiel smiled softly, averting his eyes nervously as he kept his hands folded in his lap. “You know very well that’s only one part of me…and one thing I never am with you is confident.”

Dean smiled, flashing his teeth. “I happen to like both sides to you, but you could have pushed me over with a feather watching you today. I was terrified and turned on at the same time,” Dean joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It worked as he saw a flicker of mirth enter Cas’ eyes. “But hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself. Look, I just need you to know, I know you can’t give me a time frame of when you can come home…but I don’t care. You’re here right now. That’s what matters, and I want to make it count….” Dean leaned forward and slid his hands under Cas’ shirt, smiling as the Angels eyes all but rolled back in his head at the simplest of touches. 

Castiel’s eyes changed in a moment and a flicker of that assertive commander slid by. “I can get on board with this plan…” In the back of his mind he had to keep in mind he was leaving in the morning. More like hours from now most likely. Why did he have to remember this? He knew if he let himself fall into this moment, throw caution to the wind and simply indulge in this happiness, the Empty would come for him. Dean knew about this, but he doubted Dean realized how much happiness this day, and this moment, in particular, brought him. He refused to let the Empty have him this day. Chuck had seemed so sure he could handle the Empty, but Castiel was not willing to take that chance. 

Keeping that in mind, Cas pulled Dean close by putting his own hands at the small of his back. His lips found Deans, and they kissed. It was soft at first but the longer it went, the more intense it became. They had been apart for six months this time, and never alone this way ever. Castiel had been surrounded by young Angels who knew nothing of love or passion. Passion. That was a word he’d never found to use before. He understood it now. It was a deep, burning feeling dancing in his gut. His face felt flush and his skin burned wherever Dean touched him. All those things seemed ridiculous and impossible, but so many things seemed possible now. Dean’s teeth nipped at his lips, coaxing them open. Cas shivered as the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing against one another. Dean’s hands slid out from his shirt and began making short work of his buttons. Cas thought to do the same but came up short when Dean slid his shirt from the shoulders and broke the kiss abruptly. 

“What the hell’s that?” Dean growled out. 

Castiel felt drunk and confused at the look in Dean’s eyes. “What do you mean?” Castiel said, his head cocking to the side. 

“That.” Dean pulled back the flap of Cas’ white dress shirt and exposed what appeared to be a burn on Cas’ left side, right where his warding had been. Cas understood now. He sighed and averted his eyes. This would not go over well. 

“Oh. That was where Naomi removed my tattoo….” Castiel said with some insecurity seeping in. I am sorry. It’s not very nice to look at.” The anger that sparked into Dean’s eyes would have taken a lesser being’s breath away. 

“That bitch fucking burned you?” Dean growled out, tentatively studying the burn as he gently ran a fingertip along it. It was healed but he knew what burns felt like and he could tell it had to have hurt. 

Castiel tried to concentrate on what Dean was saying but the fingertips tracing along his neglected skin was very distracting. He shivered before responding. “Why are you surprised? It’s Naomi….I could have healed it but I needed a reminder.”

“A reminder of what?” Dean added, his eyes tight and his forehead wrinkled in thought. 

Castiel looked down at the burn, watching Dean stare at it, the anger slowly disappearing. “Of who my real friends and family are. Of where I actually belonged…lest I ever forget or she try to mess with my memories again. I needed to remember the pain she caused me. Of why I had been warded in the first place.”  
Dean nodded and traced it lightly with his fingertips. “It doesn’t hurt…” Cas added.

Dean slid his hand over it in a possessive way, covering it with his warm palm, his thumb lightly grazing his skin back and forth. “Good. You keep remembering that. Where you belong…”

Cas shivered under Dean’s touch, his eyes closed in happiness now. A small frown crossed his face though and he slowly opened his eyes again, wariness present. “Now would probably be the best time to show you the other one….” He slid his shirt off his arms, his body now naked from the torso up. Dean looked confusedly at his chest, only seeing the mark at his side. Castiel turned to reveal his back, wincing as he heard Dean suck in a shocked breath. 

“Fucking Hell, Cas. What the Hell is that?” Dean said with alarm at the overly large symbol all but carved into Cas’ back, between his shoulder blades. It was healed as well, the lines only raised scars now. 

Castiel ’s voice was resigned, answering an unspoken question he’d asked himself and knew Dean would ask too. “My tracking sigil…and before you ask. Yes, yes she could have done it smaller.” 

“Wow…I didn’t think I could dislike her anymore. Good to know I can still be proved wrong and pushed to new levels of hatred.” He slid his hands along Cas’ back, his fingertips gliding over the raised scars. He was rewarded with a shiver visibly running across Cas’ skin. He smiled to himself, enjoying that more than he thought he would. “So, why can’t I see your wings now?” Dean asked, curiosity rampant in his voice as his hands slid across where he believed his wings would attach. 

Cas visibly convulsed with pleasure. His voice was breathy and soft. “I…uh…I have them tucked away in the celestial void.”

“Hmmm…okay.” Dean laid a soft kiss on the base of Cas’ neck. “I might like to get my hands on those someday. They are gorgeous…” He whispered softly, feeling braver when he didn’t feel Cas’ eyes on him. 

Cas’ shoulders lifted and his muscles jumped. “Did…did your wings move?”

Castiel turned his head to look at Dean. “They have a little bit of a mind of their own.” 

“Same as you, huh?” Dean again murmured as he pressed his lips against the top of the tracking sigil, feather soft and teasing. Cas’ eyes rolled back in his head. 

“Damn it, Dean…” Castiel growled out as he turned to face him. His face left no need for translation and Dean quickly slid his shirt off in response. They crashed into one another, arms sliding across newly exposed skin. They both were quickly on their knees on the bed, reveling in the long-needed touch of one another.   
Castiel had never been touched in such a way by anyone. Not with such want, such passion, and only for him. He growled possessively against Dean’s neck as he nipped at his skin. 

Dean huffed out a ragged breath. “Fuck, Cas, didn’t know you’d be a biter…I’m not complaining…” as his nails dug into Cas’ back. 

“I didn’t know I was a biter either…” He said with a gravelly, deep, laugh as his hand moved to Dean’s pants. He quickly unsnapped the button of his jeans. Dean broke away and leaned back on the bed as Cas grabbed the end of his pants and whipped them off his legs. He threw the pants off the bed and leaned over him on his arms, smiling with all the possessiveness he felt in that moment. 

“Your turn, feathers,” Dean said with a raised eyebrow. Castiel leaned back and unbuttoned and removed his pants with newfound urgency. He threw them across the room, hitting the wall with a soft thud. Dean almost giggled….almost. 

“Humans have to wear too many layers,” Castiel grumbled as he was left in his underwear now as well. 

“Okay, but you wear armor on the regular….I’m just saying…” Dean said with a grin as he pushed his underwear down, revealing himself to Cas. Dean, who had been with more people than he cared to count, felt shyness at this moment he hadn’t felt in some time. It was unfounded, however, as Castiel looked at him with overwhelming love and possession. 

“You really are the most beautiful human I have ever seen,” Castiel said as he slid his own underwear down.

“If you like your humans scarred and screwed up,” Dean said with a shake of his head but Cas raised an eyebrow, making a face that made something low tighten inside him. 

“I like my humans named Dean Winchester. The one I raised from Hell. The one who talked me into betraying Heaven to save the world. The one who fought beside me. The one who befriended me. The one who protected me. The one who loves me as I love him….”

Dean shivered at Cas’ words and the Angel took that moment to gently lay himself on top of Dean. They were skin to skin for the first time and it was intoxicating. Cas rolled Dean to his side and they resumed exploring each other with their mouths. Hands found and cherished mutual scars. Teeth nipped along necks, shoulders, anywhere their mouths could reach. Dean figured out quickly Cas had a thing for ears, and he took that to full advantage, sucking his earlobe into his mouth and nipping at it at frequent intervals. Cas would then dig his nails into Dean’s back, which definitely did it for him. It was an endless cycle of give and take and they were lost in being together. They were drunk on each other’s skin, both being so desperately touch starved. In the very back of his mind, Dean knew he’d never experienced anything like this, even though no sex had been had. He’d used sex as a distraction most of adult life, never letting him feel safe in another’s arms. With Cas, he felt utterly safe…but he wasn’t sure how to move them forward, his own erection an exclamation point between his legs urging him forward. Cas was obviously in an equal situation but they’d never discussed this part. How do you ask an Angel if they want to…

“Dean, do you want to….I…uh…” Castiel murmured in his ear. “I’m out of my element here. You have more experience in this regard.”

Dean let out a husky, relieved laugh. He felt weightless, almost drunk. “Way to make me sound like a ho. Cas. Not to put too much pressure on the situation here but I’ve never been with another man…only you.” Cas’ face gave away his shock. “Well, don’t look so stunned. You might insult me.” Dean kissed his chin, enjoying the soft stubble against his lips. “I wasn’t opposed to the idea...just never found the right one, but there are other ways to...” Dean began as he reached between them and gently cupped their dicks together in his hand. Pressing them together felt overwhelmingly good. He was biblically familiar with his own shaft obviously, but holding Cas in his hand, next to his own, was exciting. His heart raced at the mere thought. When he began to stroke them in unison, he thought Castiel might fall out of the bed. His eyes were swimming and he joined Dean in his task, wrapping his hand around his own. 

Both of their eyes fluttered. They’d been making out for what felt like an eternity and they were both prime for release, having been rutting against one like two animals in heat. Dean feeling Cas’ laying hot and hard against his leg had been the best feeling, knowing he was making him feel that. Knowing he felt the same way, and having physical evidence of it…he couldn’t express how it made him feel. 

Castiel pressed their foreheads together and stared into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, I’m not going to last much longer…,” he said with some apology in his tone. Dean let out a groan and smiled, huffing out a ragged breath. 

“Me either, Cas… Come with me…” Dean panted the words out, nipping at Cas’ lips but unable to deepen the kiss without the needed oxygen. He felt his body tighten in preparation as he felt Cas come, his wet heat falling on his stomach. Dean arched his back, his toes curling as he came in response, their fluids intermingling with one another, their hard bodies a mess of fluids and sweat. 

Their arms were wrapped firmly around one another, holding tighter than needed. Their breathy gasps fell on each other’s dewy necks as Dean waited for his heart to stop racing. Castiel didn’t have that problem due to his nature but if he could he knew he would. His own Angelic body trembled in aftershocks of pleasure he’d never felt. Sure, he’d enjoyed sex with April and done a few things with Meg the demon he wasn’t exactly proud of…but they were nothing compared to how he felt lying in Dean Winchester’s bed, covered in physical evidence of an excess of Hedonism, and he didn’t care. He needed this. He needed Dean. They needed each other and he no longer cared what Heaven thought. 

They laid there in the quiet for several minutes, their limbs intertwined before Dean locked eyes with him and spoke. “Sorry that wasn’t actually sex…I usually have a bit more stamina than that…”

Castiel laughed, deep and sincerely enough that Dean’s eyes widened. It was a laugh he was sure hed never heard. “Dean, that was the best moment of my entire long existence. Let’s not downplay it. There will be plenty enough time for more when I an free.”

Dean flushed at the compliment but both their faces fell at his ending statement. “You can’t stay…” He remembered echoing those same words to Cas long ago when he’d become human. It had hurt then and it hurt now. 

“No, I can’t…No matter how much I want to, and I assure you there is not a single part of me that wishes to ever leave your bed.” Castiel pressed their foreheads together, his hand pressing into the small of Dean’s back. “That is why Heaven is so afraid of this…of us together.”

Dean’s eyes tightened in confusion, but he started to run his fingertips gently along Cas’ hip. He was still feeling very shy about all of this but he was going to take in what he could while Cas was here. “I don’t follow you…”

Castiel’s eyes grew heated, absorbing every detail of Dean’s face. “Dean, I have turned my back on Heaven to serve your purposes. Instead of Angel Radio, your prayers and your voice are all I wait to hear. I am yours to command…and they hate us both for it. Heaven commanded me to save you from Hell, but you have changed me in all the ways Heaven is afraid of…You make me want things. Human things. Friendship. Sex…Love. You make me want a life I can’t have unless…”

Dean’s eyebrow quirked up and he sat up against the pillows, Cas coming with him. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and gripped Cas’ hand with the other. “Unless you're human…Cas you can’t give up your Grace…Not for me…”

Cas looked down at their entwined hands, running his thumb along Dean’s. “They will never let me be free as long as I am an Angel. Not truly. Naomi would rather see me dead than free.”

“Why? I don’t understand her…” Dean growled out, his forehead scrunched in thought. 

Castiel smiled then, a reassuring sight. He drew one knee up, looking lost in thought for a moment. “I could not expect you to understand someone like her. She is conniving, calculating, manipulative, and spiteful. She plans to turn the new Angels against me, but I plan to strike first.” His eyes gleamed with mischief. Dean knew Castiel was an amazing strategist but he was not reassured. 

“What do you have planned, Cas? You don’t have any allies up there and that’s the one place I can’t follow…” Dean added worriedly. 

“I’m planting the seeds of rebellion into my wards. They aren’t built like Naomi, and she doesn’t understand them as I can. I have to show them who she truly is, but I have to have her show them herself. She will show her true colors in time. Once she is out of the picture, I will be safe to…seek other options for my future.”

“I’m not okay with you giving up your Grace. It’s part of who you are…” Dean added hesitantly. 

“It’s a part of me I am more than willing to give up to be with you,” Castiel countered as he put a hand to Dean’s face, running a thumb along the new stubble.

“We’re not done with this conversation. Stop distracting me…” Dean said with a crooked smile as he brushed a lock of Cas’ dark hair off his forehead. 

“I’m sure I can find other ways to distract you…” Castiel said with a raised eyebrow. 

Dean’s cheeks flushed light pink and he licked his lips, having great satisfaction in watching Cas’ eyes track his movement. “Give me like ten minutes and a glass of water and that is one thing I can agree with.”


	12. A tipping point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel use their last hours together wisely, and an uninvited guest arrives at the bunker door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for missing a week! My old computer finally gave up the ghost but I have a brand new tablet/laptop to write on. Here, have some Destiel fluff and (implied) sex as I ask for your forgiveness.

“This is weird…” Dean said as he stared up at the ceiling on his back, Cas pressed up against his side, staring fascinatedly at a faint pattern of freckles on Dean’s shoulder. Castiel looked to his face and his forehead furrowed. Dean looked over at him and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t make that face, grumpy. I just mean...I never thought I’d actually be here with you. This life…our life…it doesn’t really give much room for anything but one-night stands. It’s not worth it to get close to people not in the life. They just end up dead…”

Castiel smiled sadly and hesitated to add his thought. He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “So do those in this life, Dean…You can’t deny good moments in fear of the bad ones.”

Dean let out a breath and put an arm behind his head to prop himself up slightly. “That’s not what my dad thought. He thought relationships were distractions. He said we needed to be focused on the work.”

Castiel had experienced many a conversation with Dean about his father over the years. As Dean had aged, his feelings had changed, and he had always allowed himself to be used as a sounding board. “You have been focused on the work for your entire life. I’ve been focused on my orders my entire life…Your father didn’t feel that way until he lost your mother, as you’ve told me. He was wrong to project those feelings onto you, though.” 

Dean had looked over as he spoke, making eye contact he’d never have been able to maintain with anyone else while they spoke of his father. “He projected a hell of a lot more than that on me. I mean, do you know what he’d do if he knew I was with you?”

Castiel knew exactly what Dean implied. “Me as in a non-human.”

Dean nodded silently, his eyes tightening at the imagined conflict. His body, exposed as it was, filled with tension Cas could see. “Mom, she likes you. I don’t think she gets it, but she accepts it because she knows you, but dad?” He shook his head and Cas wrapped an arm around his waist. 

“Why do you do that?” Castiel asked softly, his fingertips gripping with feather softness that always impressed Dean.

“Do what?” Dean asked as he rolled onto his right side, facing Cas now. 

“Make imagined conflicts in your head when you have plenty of real battles to fight here. Your father gave his life for yours. Your life is the greatest gift to mine. I owe him a debt I can never repay. I’m sure he and I could have found common ground there…besides, I’ve been told I’m quite charming,” Castiel smiled, flashing teeth and Dean couldn’t help but laugh. He desperately wanted to ease Dean’s heavy mind. 

“Yeah, yeah. You just charm the pants off people…” Dean said with an eye roll.

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and one eyebrow went up. “I did you…” and as Dean’s mouth fell open at the comeback, he laughed. “I did understand the phrase, but I do like to catch you off guard…and you without pants is a topic I am greatly invested in.”

Dean rolled his eyes again and pressed their lips together, letting his nails run down Cas’ back, smiling as he felt the Angel shiver. He stopped the kiss before it could deepen and pressed their foreheads together. “How long do you think we have till…”

Cas’ hand found its way to the back of Dean’s leg and he hooked it over his hip. “It’s still very early. We have enough…” Their banter had turned to a quiet urgency like a switch had been flipped. Dean had no one in his life he could speak to as candidly at he could Cas. Of course, he confided in Sam, but some things Sam didn’t need to know, for his own good. Cas knew all the dark, ugly parts of Dean and still he was here, touching him as if he knew none of it. Dean could feel the weight of Cas’ departure pressing on him so heavily he felt he couldn’t breathe, but he would not make this any harder on Cas then it had to be. 

Castiel had deepened the kiss again, taking particular care to memorize the feel of Dean’s mouth against his own. He let the feel, the taste, the gentle warmth all be filed into his mind with all the other memories he held over his millennia of living. He’d need these memories in the time ahead of him, alone, with no one to talk to the way they did. The Angels were so obtuse that he could scarcely stand them, let alone confide in or befriend them. The older Angels hated him, and the younger Angels were more toddler than adult. No, he had only his family here and he would have to leave them again in a matter of hours. He felt anger course through him as suddenly as an electric shock. He was angry that they were again being forced apart, that he had to serve those that would seek to only use him over those who loved him. He redirected his anger to the willing body beside him and his fingers dug only slightly harder as he struggled to control himself. He wanted to bury himself in the light that was Dean. 

Dean gasped as goosebumps raced across his skin. Cas felt like a contained storm beside him. He’d felt it before, but never when he was in such close proximity. “Cas, you okay?” Dean grabbed Cas face softly between his hands and forced eye contact as he ended the kiss. Cas’ eyes swam dark with contained emotion. Anger and lust combined inside him in a confusing assemblage. Dean studied him, his eyes narrowing. He could always read him better than anyone. “Earth to Castiel.”

Cas let out a ragged breath, the heat of it caressing Dean’s neck. “I…am feeling a lot of emotions right now. Some happiness…yes, but anger at my required departure…sadness…lust…It is a lot.” His thumb found purchase on the dip next to Dean’s hipbone, drawing shapes as he spoke. His words got softer and huskier as he spoke, making Dean swallow hard and shiver himself now. 

“I know, Cas. I know…” Dean said as he pressed them together more tightly, his lips whispering softly into Cas’ ear. “But with our time limited, let’s explore that last one a bit more. I’m always angry. Sad…yeah a lot, but with you here, I’m much more interested in that last one.” He nipped lightly at his ear before pressing soft kisses along Cas’ neck line.   
Castiel grinded against him, shifting Dean’s leg back up over his hip to get them closer. He felt Dean becoming hard as he pressed against his thigh. He wanted….well, he wanted everything but he wasn’t sure he could verbalize it. He also knew some things might make him just happy enough to tempt the Empty to come…

“Dean…” Cas growled out as he slid his hand down and wrapped his hand around the heft of Dean. “I need you. Before I have to leave, I want…”

Dean stiffened behind him only slightly, but it was enough for Castiel to notice. “Cas, I want that too, fuck. So much…but I’ve never…” He hesitated, his cheeks flushing softly pink. The mere mention of it made his heart hammer in his chest. Cas rolled them both suddenly so that he was on the bottom, Dean’s chest weighing down his own. 

Dean’s eyes were hesitant but warm. He knew they both wanted this as much as the other. “Take my body Dean. I am already yours to my very essence. I give myself over to you.”   
Dean again swallowed hard but his pupils were dark pools as he looked down on him. “Do you know what your asking, Cas?” His hands held him up on either side of Cas’ head. A fine, controlled tremor ran through his arms. “You’re an Angel, Cas…you can’t want me to….” His head hung down, breaking eye contact. 

“Dean…” Cas said softly as he ducked his head to lock eyes with him. “I know what I ask for. I want you. Please.”

Dean closed his eyes, trying to avoid that look of Cas’. He took a controlled breath and opened his eyes. “Cas, hand jobs are one thing. There’s no going back from this for me.”

Castiel took his right hand and cupped Dean’s cheek in it, letting the weight of his words fall. “For us.”

Dean shook his head, lowering his body onto Cas. “If we do this and you don’t come back home again..”

“I will always come back to you, Dean. You are my home,” Castiel said with assurance ringing in his tone as he pulled Dean down with his hand on his neck now.   
Dean lowered his weight onto Cas and whispered onto his lips, “Okay.”  
\-------------

Dean had passed out an hour ago. He had fought it as long as he could, and Castiel had assured him it would be fine to just go to sleep, but he knew their time was limited. After they’d made love they’d whispered softly into the very early morning hours. Dean’s head rested on Cas’ left arm and Cas’ free arm was thrown over Dean’s side, slowly drifting up and down his bac with his fingertips. Castiel could not remember ever being this content and relaxed. It didn’t matter, though. In all too soon a time, he’d have to leave. He stared at Dean’s restful face, enjoying seeing the hard lines of his face fall away in sleep. Cas had thrown the sheet over them both as best he could, but it was bunched up around their waists, tucked and twisted in the jumble of their limbs. He laid there listening to Dean breath, feeling his heart beating steady and sure, until he lost track of time. His mind was all but shut down to everything except the sound of Dean. 

However, he heard Sam walk down the hall before he ever knocked. However, he didn’t have the will to move and disturb Dean until he had to. As Sam’s shallow knock sounded, Dean jumped awake. Castiel knew it would wake him. He’d been a hunter too long to sleep through things like that. “Who’s that?” Dean growled out, his hand slipping under his pillow for his gun out of routine. 

“It’s just me,” Sam said quietly as he pushed the door open. “I was looking for Cas…” Sam’s eyes widened just slightly at the sight of them together in the bed. He had the grace not to say anything as Dean made a half hearted effort to pull the cover up a bit higher. “and…I guess I found him…Hey Cas.” 

Castiel could see Sam cheeks flush I embarrassment even in the dim hall light. “Good morning, Sam. What is it you need from me?” 

“You have someone at the bunker door insisting on seeing you. It’s that Aberia I think her name was?” Castiel groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. They would send her.

“Is it time?” Dean said with a flutter of pushed down anxiety only Cas would pick up on. Castiel mourned the soft, relaxed feel of Dean’s body only moments ago. Now he felt every muscle in Dean’s body pulled taut as a string. Anger welled up in him again. How dare they take away what little peace Dean had. 

He put a soft hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Dean. I will handle this. I have given Chuck everything he wants. He can give me a few more hours….” Castiel stood up and Sam shot out the door, much more quickly than normal. 

“Pants would be best, I suppose…” Castiel grumbled.

Dean chuckled softly in the dark as he leaned over and popped on his nightstand light. He had a fleeting thought of how nice it would have been to be woken up by the sun. There was no natural light in this tomb. 

Castiel heard the banging on the Bunker door and growled out, “To Hell with pants. I will handle this!” He all but leapt from the bed, naked and angry. 

Dean scrambled out of bed, kicking his legs free of the cover that had serpentined around him. “At least a sheet, Cas. Mom’s probably awake by now.” He spoke with a grin he didn’t feel as he chucked a sheet at him and grabbed up his own pants from the floor. He followed behind as quickly as he could, but he was still bounding down the hall zipping up as Cas thundered into the War Room, a sheet wrapped around his waist like some Greek God come to life. Mary, Sam, and Jack all stood at the base of the stairs as Cas came toward them. They scattered like birds as they saw the look on his face. As Castiel ascended the stairs, Dean came around the corner, buttoning his pants just in time for his entire family to take note. He was shirtless and shoeless and his hair had a very disheveled look that was overshadowed only by Cas' bedgraggled mop of dark brown hair. Mary looked form Cas to Dean and her mouth formed a little oh of unsounded surprise. Jack tilted his head to the side in confusion and Sam all but eyed rolled. Well, this was a great way to start the day.


	13. Impossible to explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! I'm not dead! I actually have the entire fic written now minus a few edits. I don't have beta readers so excuse any typos please. I may go back in and do edits after I post chapters as well. I will still try to post a chapter every few days till it is completed. So sorry for the incredibly long delay in posting. SOme of the dialogue feels like it needs more descriptors but that's not where I shine these days. I will be editing and adding more descriptors but I wanted to get this out here before the end of the day.

Castiel ascended the stairs in a way that could only be described as aggressive. His shoulders were rolled forward as he clutched the bunching of material on his right hip. Dean stopped short next to Sam and followed Cas with his eyes, feeling his family’s eyes studying him and his face flushed just slightly with warmth. Of course, this was embarrassing but it was going to come out eventually. He could have picked about a dozen other ways he’d have preferred it but at least no one had walked in on them together in the moment. That was just too sitcom for him. 

Castiel dragged open the bunker door. It made an angry screech of protest that made the hairs on the back of Dean’s neck hackle. He felt vulnerable and exposed and realized too late he was weaponless, his usual gear still tucked under his pillow. His eyes widened in alarm as he realized he wasn’t the only one unarmed. Castiel was clearly unarmed and opening the door to an unknown situation. At least he had Sam and Mom at his back. Dean looked over to Sam and watched as he reassuringly nodded, knowing his brother’s thought process. His eyes went to Mary, who also nodded and had her hand at the small of her back. Jack’s forehead was scrunched in thought as he looked between Dean and Castiel. Dean smiled softly to himself. He’d beg out of that conversation. Sam could handle that. 

Castiel’s voice broke Dean out of his momentary reprieve. “Aberia…” Dean’s gaze went to the open door and the stern face of new Angel. Her chin was jutted up and her eyes narrowed in disapproval. She stood in the doorway, unwilling to step back from Castiel’s body in the doorway. He too was unwilling to give way.

“I’ve been sent to retrieve you,” Aberia said firmly as she looked past him and at the group below. “I’m afraid I am too late. You’ve obviously already been defiled. You stink of it.” Her face wrinkled in disgust and Dean could see Cas’ shoulder blades tighten in anger. His cheeks turned a darker pink at her statement, knowing there was not really another way to interpret her statement. 

Castiel’s voice was hard and full of anger in such a way that Dean would hate to see his face. He’d been the recipient of that voice a few times and he knew the storm that would be brewing behind his icy eyes. “That is truly none of your business.”

Aberia shook her head slowly, her jaw tight and her voice dripping with disapproval. She looked up at him, seemingly unafraid and running on righteous indignation. “You won’t deny it, then? I suppose your attire is admittance enough…” Her eyes dropped and she shook her head in disbelief and his lack of modesty.

Castiel shook his head slowly, and Dean could see his shoulders tense even from his position across the room. Dean began to wish Cas had doubled up the sheet as he could easily see the outline of Cas' ass through the sheet. He blushed again, feeling a few conflicting emotions he absolutely did not feel like sharing. He was drawn back to the conversation by Cas' deep, gravelly voice. “Why should I? This is my life, Aberia. Not yours. Not Heavens. Mine, and I will say again that it is none of your business.”

“It is when Naomi sends me here. She gave me orders to retrieve you,” Aberia said as she lifted her chin in defiance. Though the humans below could not see, her entire body shivered. She'd seen him angry and to still stand up to him was admirable but stupid. Castiel sensed her fear despite her posture but his anger overrode it. 

Dean and the others fidgeted nervously as Castiel’s voice rose, echoing with the vaulted ceilings. “I do not need an escort, especially not one that is but a child. I am very aware of where the Heaven portal is and it is not as if I could hide if I wanted to, thanks to Naomi’s handiwork. You know what she is and yet you choose to follow her. I truly thought you had more sense than that…” The disappointment in his tone could be felt even by the humans below. They watched Aberia's bravado faulter before their very eyes as her shoulders rolled slightly in and her chin dropped ever so slightly. 

Aberia’s face tried to maintain it’s anger but her uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “I don’t have a choice, Castiel, and neither do you. Come on. Get dressed and let’s be off. Perhaps we can dissipate the human smell from you before we return home. It will help to lessen your offensive behavior to the others.“ She tried to put a hand on his bare arm but Castiel stepped backward from her outstretched hand. 

“This is my home, not Heaven. I will return today, but not because Naomi or anyone else pettily demands it of me.”

Aberia’s forcefulness crumbled and her eyes softened. Her voice took on a soft, pleading tone. “Castiel, be reasonable. Don’t make this escalate when it does not have to.”  
Castiel and Aberia stared one another down for what felt like eternity but was more like twenty seconds, until Jack suddenly walked up the stairs with purpose. Castiel turned his head to speak but Jack stood next to him, shoulder to shoulder, smiling in such a charming way as to stop two Angels from arguing. 

“Would you like to stay for breakfast?” Jack said matter-of-factly as he stared at Aberia with a slightly tilted head and a friendly smile. When Aberia and Castiel said nothing, Jack added, “We’re having pancakes.” Castiel let a small smile form at the corner of his mouth but he watched Aberia carefully. She paused, staring at Jack with deep concentration. 

“Angels don’t need to eat….” Aberia said with confusion as she studied Jack with indecision. Even though she was shorter than Jack, she definitely had the more threatening aura as her eyes studied him from his softly disheveled hair to his sneakers. 

“True, but Castiel does!” Jack chimed in again, looking at Cas earnestly. Castiel couldn't help but smile in return at his protege, which made Aberia's frown deepen into her soft olive complexion. 

Aberia looked again at Castiel with uncertainty. He shrugged as his body slightly relaxed. He answered her unspoken inquiry, seeing the confusion in her face. “Sometimes as a social construct and sometimes purely for pleasure. Not everything has to be done because it is a necessity.”

Aberia’s eyes traveled down Castiel’s scantily clad form with a raised, judgmental eyebrow. “Of that I can already see. “Dean stifled a cough of embarrassment as his ears burned and he could have sworn he saw Sam chuckle to himself. “I….I will try this breakfast…but then we must return to Heaven.” Aberia added as she nodded at Jack. He beamed in response.

‘Excellent. I’ll set the table for another. Mary taught me how.” Jack said as he turned abruptly and descended the stairs, making Aberia tilt her own head in thought. 

“If you promise to make no threats upon my family….” Castiel added as he glanced back for approval from Sam and Dean for the first time. Castiel raised his eyebrows and tilted his head just slightly in question. Dean knew this would fall into the plan Cas had already been working on, but Sam seemed less sure. Dean nodded to him, and as they stared at one another, they shared a silent message. Castiel waited, looking to Sam. Sam nodded his approval and only then did Cas descend the steps. It seemed that only as his bare feet hit the concrete of the bunker floor did he remember his questionable attire. His hand knotted more tightly in the bundled up sheet at his side and his eyes widened as he faced Mary, Jack, and Sam. 

“I will go get more appropriately dressed….” He murmured as he ducked his head. Dean was sure if his Angel could blush, he would have in that moment. “Sam…” Castiel’s eyes moved from Sam to Aberia and he nodded in understanding as he made his exit. Sam kept his eyes trained on the young Angel waiting in their War room, his posture anything but relaxed. 

Dean glanced down at himself and jutted a thumb down the hall Castiel had exited down. “I’ll just…do that too…yeah.” He awkwardly left the room, trying not to turn his back on Aberia while trying not to draw so much attention to himself. He was not successful as he stubbed his toe on the doorface and cursed under his breath. 

"Idiots..." Sam murmured with a shake of his head and an eye roll.

\-----------------------------  
Dean closed the door to his room and was only temporarily distracted as Cas dropped the sheet onto the concrete floor. Seeing Castiel so comfortably exposed to him made him feel a deep possessiveness. The scars on the Angel’s body didn’t mar the view but made him feel a deep burning in his gut to get him away from the toxic relationship he had with the other Angels. Castiel looked up from grabbing his pants that had been discarded on the floor and their eyes locked. Dean couldn’t deny he’d been staring but the self-satisfied look on Cas’ face wouldn’t have let him deny it if he wanted to. He crossed his arms over his chest and did a half smile as he shook his head. “Well, that could have gone worse I guess,” He added as he leaned against the bedroom door. 

“The day’s not over yet, but your optimism is refreshing,” Castiel said with a playful eye roll as he sat down on the bed to pull on underwear. 

Dean pushed away from the door and scooped up the discarded sheet, tossing it haphazardly onto the bed they'd left a wreck from the night before. “The kid seems to be pretty good at deescalating things. It seems to be hard for anyone not to like him,” Dean added with a laugh as he went to his dresser to pull out a soft, heather grey Henley. He pulled it over his head with his back to Cas. After he tugged on the hem to let it sit just so, he leaned against the dresser, glancing in the mirror it held. His fingers bit into the wood as Castiel stared into his reflection. Dean’s eyes flitted away to study the ancient dresser top’s lightly marred surface, the scratches and dents proof of years of use before their arrival. Dean sighed and screwed his eyes shut, willing the words out that he didn't want to say. “Look, we both know you have to leave today. There’s no sense getting yourself in deeper by making Aberia pissed.”

Cas had been about to start buttoning his white dress shirt up when his hands stilled and he stood silently, coming to stand behind Dean. His eyes were still closed but he felt Cas' presence at his back. He couldn’t help but glance up, the mirror reflecting Cas’ exposed chest and his fathomless gaze, which was full of fresh defiance. He thought Cas would put a hand on his shoulder, but he felt his hesitation. “Dean, Heaven has tried to take everything from me. Every moment that is my own is a victory in itself. Up there, nothing is mine. Not a moment. Everything I am belongs to them. I am nothing but a slave…I have nothing of my own…”

Dean turned toward him and took a hesitant step forward as he buttoned one of Cas’ open buttons, unable to look him in the eyes. “Cas…Is Naomi going to hurt you for…for what we did? If Aberia can tell, Naomi will too…” Cas sighed as he gently reached out and rested his hands on Dean’s hips as he let him button his shirt. 

“Naomi will….say things to try to embarrass me and attempt turn the younger ones against me. Will she physically hurt me? No, not over this. Remember. She already thought we were together…”

As Dean got to the last button, leaving the one closest to his neck undone, he nodded. “I always tried to pretend I didn’t get the jokes that Crowley and the Angels made…” 

“As did I, and let it be known…I would rather reek of humanity than anything else.” Cas said softly as he lifted an eyebrow and leaned their foreheads together. 

“That is a weird compliment, but I’ll take it. Okay…so now my entire family knows we did…” Dean gestured between himself and Cas, unable to say the words but knowing he would understand. “Except maybe Jack. Not it on that conversation, by the way.” 

Castiel smiled brightly and ran a hand softly through Dean's hair, his eyes softening at the pink that flushed the other man's cheeks. “I say we nominate Sam.” 

As he straightened Cas’ collar, he ran his fingers underneath it. “I second it. Come on. Let’s go see how awkward we can make this whole morning.”

“Knowing you, exceptionally,” Cas said with affection in his voice and a playful eye roll as he laid a kiss on Dean's head.  
\-------------------

Aberia was sitting awkwardly next to Jack when Dean and Castiel entered. She was poking nervously at the stack of pancakes in front of her, her fork her weapon of choice.  
“Hey thanks for waiting, guys…” Dean said with sarcasm as he slid out two chairs and Cas sat next to him. Plates of food sat in front of their seats already. 

“Look,” Sam gestured with his fork as he talked, a small bite of pancake hanging off it. “Now that this is going on,” He swirled his fork between he and Cas. “I’m afraid to open your door. So, you’re just gonna have to get yourself to the table.”

Dean coughed on the bite of pancake he’d already shoveled into his mouth, glancing over at Aberia. “Oh, we’re just gonna throw it out there like that?”

“Oh, things have already been discussed I would like to not have been here for…” Mary added as she sat down at the end of the table. “I may be open minded but I’m still your mother.”

Aberia moved her head to follow the conversation until it paused and nonplussed, she added, “You and Castiel had sexual relations for the first and only time today. That is not what the rest of Heaven believes.”

Dean swallowed hard and took a sip of his now cooling coffee. He muttered from his cup. “I’m not the one making it awkward this time, Cas.”

Castiel nodded in agreement. “Heaven has long spread false rumors about me, Aberia. They could not comprehend why I would choose to stay with Sam and Dean if my reasons were not purely self-satisfying and pleasure seeking. The irony of that is that my years on earth have been fairly unpleasant.”

Dean grimaced and sighed as he stood up to get fresh coffee. “It’s true. In general, our lives are pretty miserable. Blood, guts, death, a laugh a minute.”

Aberia’s brow furrowed and her dark eyes tightened. “Then why choose this?”

Castiel studied her face and followed her logic, finishing her thought. “As opposed to living in Heaven?”

“Yes..” She said firmly. 

“This is my home, and my family,” Castiel said quietly as he looked around the table and watched Dean sit back down with his fresh coffee. 

“But Heaven is our home…” Aberia said as she shook her head and again frowned at the stack of pancakes in front of her. 

Castiel sighed and composed his thoughts a moment, frustrated at his inability to make her understand. “ I served Heaven faithfully for a very long time. Heaven was what I was created to serve, but it is not my home.. It is nothing but a painful reminder of everything. I’m sure when I am not around that Naomi has probably hinted at terrible things I have done. Am I right?”

Aberia’s eyes tightened. “She did…she was lying, right?”

“She was not. I have done terrible things, both in the name of and in defiance of Heaven…” Castiel locked eyes with Aberia then, reading her reaction. Dean knew all of this already but hearing Castiel admit it so openly came as a shock. 

Aberia tried to read Castiel’s face. “Then is she right about you?”

“I am a killer, I can’t argue that point, but Aberia, the things I did, the Angels I killed…They were trying to start another Apocalypse that would kill every man, woman, and child on this Earth. Many of them…Others I had no choice but to kill in self-defense. I have been tortured mercilessly by many of my own kind, only for not siding with them in their petty affairs of Heaven. I’ve been cut open with Angel blades, had needles pierced into my brain, I’ve had Angels who were my friends threaten to remove …extremely personal parts of my anatomy merely out of spite and the inkling of suspicion as to my feelins for Dean…and the things Naomi did to me overshadow all of those. I cannot live in Heaven. I can never trust Heaven again.” Dean’s eyes grew wide as Cas spoke and his jaw clenched. Castiel felt his tension and he put a hand on his shoulder. 

Aberia was quiet, absorbing what he said and Castiel felt a tendril of hope within him when she asked, “Naomi…. what did she do?” 

“Naomi was long tasked with reforming rogue soldiers such as me. I was apparently a thorn in her side for millennia…but I remember little of it because she destroyed many of my memories. However, our last session together was restored to me…as much as I wish it was not. Her tool of choice was a drill.” Castiel’s eyes studied the table as he recounted it. “I can vividly remember the way it felt going into my right eye as she bored her way into my skull to extract every memory of loyalty to Sam and Dean. I remember how she had me slaughter copy after copy of Dean until I didn’t hesitate.” He untucked his hands and stared at them. “The first hundred times or so, I refused. She took my fist, shoved my blade handle into Dean’s heart over and over. I can still feel the warmth of his blood on my hands….” He looked up and locked eyes with Aberia then. “Despite my revulsion, my protests, and despite what she incorrectly assumed my relationship with Dean was, she persisted. Even seemed somewhat delighted at the process…. I am sure I would have continued to be her puppet if not for Dean and the Angel tablet breaking me of her hold.” He shivered slightly and Dean put a comforting hand in one of his. “You do not have to agree with my choices, Aberia, but you need to aware of the ones she makes as well.” The table had fallen silent during Castiel’s speech, the descriptions sinking into the silence. 

“Cas, you never told us some of that.” Sam finally spoke, breaking the heavy air that had filled the room. He looked distraught as he swallowed hard.

“Why would I want to put that on you?” Castiel seemed genuinely confused at Sam’s statement and his forehead scrunched in confusion. 

“Cas, we share that burden,” Sam added with a raised eyebrow that left no room for discussion. 

Jack leaned over and spoke quietly to Aberia then. “Those are the reasons Castiel keeps me away from other Angels. Dean calls you all dicks with wings.”

Aberia opened her mouth to speak but Dean cleared his throat, and everyone looked to him. “Enough of that, why don’t we enjoy our breakfast? I think we’ve drudged up enough painful shit for an hour or two.” He squeezed Cas’ hand before dropping it to continue eating. His own hands shook at Cas’ recounting and he swore he’d kill Naomi himself if he ever got the chance…

The table fell silent for a few minutes as everyone ate quietly, save Aberia who spent most of the time poking at her stack of pancakes and frowning as the syrup stuck to the metal fork. She cut her eyes to study Dean and Castiel, who sat close enough that their elbows bumped every so often. She studied Dean the most. He felt her eyes on him, but he tried hard to look anywhere but at her. Finally, he could ignore it no longer. 

“What? You’re driving me crazy. What is it?” Dean said loudly as he dropped his fork on his now empty plate, the clatter sounding thunderous in the silence. Everyone’s eyes were drawn to Dean then. Most had been oblivious to Aberia’s scrutinous stare. 

“I’m simply trying to understand you. You’re appeal. To Castiel. I don’t understand.”

“Excuse me?” Dean couldn’t muster the understanding to be offended. 

“Why Castiel chose you.” Aberia’s eyes tightened as she continued. “You are relatively attractive, I can acknowledge, though Angels really aren’t ones to notice or care about those things. Nothing extraordinary, but attractive. Your soul is very bright but very scarred…” Dean’s mouth hung open and Castiel looked to Aberia with a look that stuck her words in her throat.

His voice was low and dangerous as he spoke, each word chosen carefully to control his temper. “You do not speak to people about the condition or their souls. Haven’t you learned anything from the other Angels? When you have faced the hardships and endured what he and Sam and the others at this table have, perhaps you will understand why their souls shine so brightly despite their scars. Until such time, you have no right to speak of it.”

Aberia, who had been quietly accepting up until that point, stood defiantly, embarrassed to be chastised so openly for something she didn’t understand. Her dark hair swung in front of her face as she leaned across the table. “I didn’t mean to offend, but I don’t understand the ways here. None of this makes any sense! I don’t belong here, and neither do you! Now, can we please go?” 

Castiel sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He took a steadying breath and his voice was soft, controlled, and much different than only a moment before. “Give me a few minutes, and yes, we can go.” He stood, turned on his heel and walked down the hall to the bedrooms. 

Aberia raised one eyebrow, surprised at his sudden acceptance. Dean stood, locked eyes with Sam, who nodded, and he followed quickly behind Cas without a word to anyone.  
Cas was already snapping his chest plate back into place as he entered the room. Dean walked up to him, but Cas kept his back to him and hung his head. 

“Cas…” Dean said as he went to put a hand on his right shoulder but Cas turned around too quickly. His face was a mix of emotions. Dean knew him well enough to see anger, sadness, and fear. He understood those too. Castiel’s eyes were wild as he spoke. 

“I can’t put if off any longer. It’s unfair of me to expect Aberia to understand any of this…she’s basically a child. One with zero experience here. It took me millennia of watching the humane race before I was allowed down here. I’m being unfair to her…and dragging this out is unfair to you. I will do have I have to in Heaven to be able to come home. I don’t know how long it will be…but I promise, Dean.”

Dean let a heavy sigh escape and he ran his hand through his hair. “You’re right. She’s just doing what she’s told. I don’t want either of you to get in trouble because of me, and I know. I trust you, Cas. I’ll be safe. You be safe. Everything will work out eventually. It has to, right?”

“Eventually…” Cas leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, resting his hands on Dean’s shoulders. Dean closed his eyes and fought with himself a moment before he wrapped his arms around the other mans’ waist. He would not make this harder on Cas than it already was. Of course, it was hard on him too. However, he had the luxury of being in his home with the rest of his family. Cas was banished from them with no one. He knew as difficult as it was for him, he had the better end of the deal no doubt. 

“Dean, I….” Cas began but Aberia’s voice from down the hall interrupted them. She was calling impatiently for him. 

“It’s okay, Cas. I know. Me too,” Dean finished for him. Castiel dropped his hands from his shoulders and instead wrapped them around him and pulled him close. Dean could see the panic in his eyes. “It’s okay, Cas. It won’t be that long, I’m sure…”

“I don’t want to go…” Castiel said hopelessly. Dean had nothing he could say that would bring him any comfort, so he let his lips find Cas’ in a soft, chaste, shared sentiment.  
Castiel closed his eyes, took a steadying breath, slowly extricated himself from Dean’s embrace, and opened the door to find Aberia.


End file.
